Fizzybeetroot wrote:[size=xx-small]Issue I, 15th October '12[/size][align=center][size=xx-large]
The Safiria Post™[/size]
A Smoking Gnu ltd. publication[/align]
Headlines Today: Zombie in Office?
Equality campaigners are brimming with hope at the prospect of Safiria's first undead Prime Minister. Madame Leila Alidokht, who passed away before assuming office, has been suggested as a prime candidate for re-animation. Dr. Frank Vin Stein, a freelance necrosurgeon, told this paper "we have the technology and the skilled staff to perform this operation, as long as the body can be treated quickly. The only concerning factor is whether the relatives will agree to the surgery before decomposition takes hold. We could try preserving the body eeither by freezing or pickling in a spiced vinegar, but the surgery has not been tested with these factors involved." And what if they don't? We at The Safiria Post™ comissioned an independent enquiry to get to the bottom of the issue and discover just what the effects will be if we delay. The results suggest that withing three months, unemployment would double, many of Safiria's largest companies would go bankrupt, and rioting would break out in the streets. With Safiria wanting for a Prime Minister, and chaos only just at bay, we must hope the family that survive Madame Alidokht will give the go-ahead before it is too late.
[align=center]Reader Advertisement:
HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MAN?
WANTED
DEAD or ALIVE
for crimes against all that is good and decent
REWARD AVAILABLE[/align]
In Other News: Escaped Dreamweaver Terrorizes Neighbourhood
The dreamweavers are highly dangerous giant psychic spiders, and if you live in any of the capital's eastern suburbs, one could be in your kitchen right now. One of these creatures has made its way into the heart of suburbia, according to three confirmed sightings. All three of the people who saw the creature describe it as large, black and violet, and with a penchant for hiding in cupboards. Miss B. Peters (names have been changed to protect identities), who was eating curds and whey when the monstrosity appears, said it was so terrifying it spoiled her appetite. If you see this escaped dreamweaver, call the emergence services immediately, and get out of the house.
[size=x-small]The Safiria Post™ is © Smoking Gnu Publications ltd., all rights reserved.[/size]
