The Kaiser's Tour of Imperial States: Lichbrook

Formerly the areas of the Foreign Quarter and Fort Tempus in the capital city of Shirekeep, this section of the north coast of Brookshire was reconstituted as a royal city by Kaiseress Mira Raynora Minor.

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Kaiser Mo'll I
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The Kaiser's Tour of Imperial States: Lichbrook

Post by Kaiser Mo'll I »

Ingrained with habit, It took a conscious effort for the Bane of Balgurd's helmsman not to bring the ship around in its usual arc across the river, into the Crown's Port of Raynor's Keep. Instead it continued up river, led by the battleship Aurangzeb's Revenge and tailed by the Sword of Vengeance and the other ships of the Benacian Fleet - all causing some disruption to normal river traffic despite their line-astern formation.

The quay at Tempus Keep was dotted with dockhands of a humanoid appearance, and perhaps indeed they had once been human. But as they caught and secured the lines thrown from the Bane of Balgurd, their regularly-spaced motions and soft whirring betrayed the presense of some centripetal or piezoelectric regulator governing their bodies rather than a proper, soul-containing brain. Aside from these zombotic beings, nobody else appeared to be around.

"You really should have radioed ahead or something", said Royana as the gangway was lowered. "They'd have had a reception for you nice and early. A Lich doesn't like to be late".

"You liches are late by your nature, my dear", said Mo'll as he clipped the Sabre of Unity onto his belt. "Are you yourself not the LATE Royana Dolordotch, née Merkayastreb?"

"Oh ha bloody ha" mumbled Royana, rolling her eyes with an audible rattle.

"Besides", said Mo'll, "I liked getting among the common people in Yardistan. If Queen Lyhiggledypi-... I mean Lyssansa... isn't ready yet, I'll strike up some chat with those people down there until she is". He nodded down at the zombot dockhands, who were now assembled in a line at the end of the gangway.

"Good luck getting conversation out of them", said Royana as she felt for loose strands in her jet-black chignon hairdo. "Do I look alright? This hair won't stay in place. And this bracelet is tearing up my wrist. I might need more desquamation ointment..." She rummaged in her handbag and produced a small bottle, a few drops from which she hurriedly applied around said wrist.

"You'll be fine. Everyone will be looking at me", said Mo'll.

"You don't understand! The Queen notices things like that. She's notorious for it! And I might remind you she's my sovereign as much as you are. If my hand falls off at the wrong moment I won't ever be able to show my face in Dolorous again. And I was born there, Gods damn it!".

"Calm down Yannie, you'll look even worse if you get yourself into a Lichpanic. Your hand is not going to fall off. I think all this time kept aboard ship has given you cabin fever. Have you ever met Queen Lyhigg-... gah, you know. She really is quite charming".

"I didn't need to meet her, I was trained in nursing by her physician. He had plenty of stories about her temper".

"Well never mind stories, just stay on my arm and don't speak unless you're spoken to. Come on".

Mo'll led Royana down the ship's gangway and onto the dock. The assembled zombots crunched, whirred and eventually jolted downward in a bow to the Imperial couple as they passed. Bodyguards lined a route to the imposing wall of the keep, and the giant iron door set in its face. From somewhere beyond it, within the walled environs of the city of Lichkeep itself, an orchestra of some kind was heard to strike up a tune.

"See?" said Mo'll, "They know I'm here".

"That's probably the Theatre Royal", said Royana. "They're running The Doghouse of Mors this year. Maybe we should see it, if we get the chance".

"I've seen it already. The Mesior Repertory ran it last year, but it was an experimental take on the production with a cast entirely composed of cats. I walked out at the interval".

The couple's dramaturgical conversation was arrested by a grinding sound ahead of them. Behind the great iron door, one by one, a series of heavy bolts were being drawn back. After around a dozen such grindings and the hollow matellic clatter of another internal lock being worked, the door slowly slid open.
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Re: The Kaiser's Tour of Imperial States: Lichbrook

Post by Lyssansa Rossheim »

[I haven't forgotten you, I'm just waiting until the noise levels have dropped sufficiently to enable me to contemplate writing an intelligible response. So, I'll probably have something written by 2015...]
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Re: The Kaiser's Tour of Imperial States: Lichbrook

Post by Kaiser Mo'll I »

[meanwhile, some Goldshirian political intrigue. Also classic Ryker Bait, so I advise the Count of Suthergold to chill the heck out in advance.]
Mo'll was back aboard the Bane of Balgurd, having been met at the dock gate of Tempus Keep by a surprisingly apologetic Lich Minion who had explained that the Queen was going to be late, having suffered a chipped fingernail requiring replacement of the whole set, toenails included. Mo'll had turned to Royana with a face screwed up in incredulity; but Royana was nodding sympathetically to the Minion, and had then engaged him in a highly technical discussion on the fiddly nature of fingernail replacement; it being, suprisingly, one of the more complex aspects of Lich maintenance requiring significant downtime. Mo'll had left her to it and returned to the ship alone.

He approached his stateroom to find one of his bodyguards marching toward him, dragging a man by his heels with a single clenched fist around the collar of the man's suit. He stopped to bow to his Kaiser, keeping a firm grasp on the prisoner who eyed Mo'll intensely, but said nothing.

"Gods, don't tell me they've copied the key to the galley wine store again", said Mo'll. "What is this, the fifth waiter we've had drunk on duty on this tour? If the brig gets any more full we'll have to start throwing them overboard. I keep telling the galley to change their locks".

"Beg your pardon, Niftiness", said the guard, "But this fellow is unknown to the ship's company. Nobody knows how he got aboard. Came demanding entrance to your stateroom... well I say demanded, he walked straight past me and opened the door like he owned the place. I stopped him, then he demanded".

"Stand him up" said Mo'll. The guard wrenched the man properly onto his feet, who calmly adjusted his suit jacket when his collar was released, staring at Mo'll the entire time.

"Says he's from the Ministry of Trade, Sire", said the guard.

"Yes I'm sure", said Mo'll who, having taken in the man's manner of dress, reported actions and a face that looked mildly familiar from his early life, quickly resolved his actual origin. He met the man's unflinching gaze with his own. "I see the Mint hasn't lost its skill for infiltration. I was enjoying the policy of... Syrus, was it? ...in leaving me alone but I suppose all good things must come to an end. What do you serpentine fuckers want now?"

"Asking me questions, Merkayastreb?" muttered the Assayer. "Your uncle really was sloppy in educating you. Just as well we dispensed with his services".

"I haven't been in Avakair for a while. Busy with... more worthwhile things".

"Use the grey matter. I'm not here for my health".

"So you want something".

"We'll talk without unnecessary ears". The Assayer's bored eyes darted briefly toward the guard.

"Has this man been searched?" said Mo'll.

"Yes Sire", said the guard with evident self-satisfaction. "Nothing found. No wallet, no pen, nothing at all".

Mo'll stepped forward and reached under the man's suit jacket. Sliding his hand into the armpit area, he took out a sheathed syringe full of clear liquid and held it up in front of the guard, who turned pale at the revelation of his own neglect. "This is only the self-termination needle. Instant effect". said Mo'll as he studied the solution inside. "What he isn't carrying is the needle for terminating others, which works on a delay... or the tranquiliser for custodial appropriations. Unusual for a man of his level not to have the full set, which means his mission is a non-standard affair probably ordered from the very top. The man himself is probably Undernumismator at least, given the age and the cut of his suit. Did they brief you on any of this during your training?"

"N...no, Sire" said the guard who was beginning to visibly tremble at the prospect of his career, and possibly his life, being at a sudden end.

"No worry", said Mo'll with a reassuring grin. "It's my fault for not sharing the information. Even now these bastards still have a part of me institutionalised". He looked at the Assayer, who betrayed no reaction of his own to the revelations and continued to fix Mo'll with patient eyes. "I'll give him his talk. Wait outside. If he leaves alone, shoot him".

* * *


After the customary passive-aggressive five minutes of complete silence to which Mo'll knew better than to rise, the Assayer began to speak from the comfort of the stateroom's dining table.

"So you're done with Goldshire".

"Is that a question or an order?"

"So you're done with Goldshire", repeated the Assayer.

Mo'll sighed. "Your eagle eyes will undoubtedly have brought to your attention that I am now Kaiser. I have a whole array of Imperial offices to keep in function, and six Imperial States to keep from warring or seceding. It's a busy life and I haven't the time that I once did to look after the affairs of the Shire. This is why I sent the Count of Suthergold to the Hamlet. It's hardly a secret".

"He's a man of principles".

"Who, the Count? Yes, that's why I..."

"He takes them with him".

"You make that sound like a bad thing".

The Assayer said nothing to this, but continued his staring until Mo'll got the point.

"So he's a threat to you", said Mo'll.

"Airships over Lune Villa".

"That doesn't exactly undermine your work".

"Embassies leaving Shirekeep".

"Neither does that. You don't need embassies. Gods, even the countries who run them don't really need th..."

"Ministry of Trade, five thousand three hundred and forty Ab Sectora Condita. Quote. I don't know where exactly the official mint is located but if it's Avakair, I'm changing it to Cortallia-Rathwood. Unquote". The Assayer spoke as if from a transcript, but had none in his hand. "Even by the standards of your Lunatic homeland, Merkayastreb, your level of delusion begs questions of your competence".

"The man breached his authority, was censured and acknowledged it. I really do not see why this is an issue".

"Mens Rea".

"You snatched me away to Avakair before I could learn proper Latin".

"The act is merely delayed. The intention remains".

"If you have any more proof of that accusation than I, then I should like to see it".

"Proof will come when they are Dead-Ringing in the Guttuli. When they are intoxicated by Quiverbane in Erianamor, demolishing Goldshire Hamlet to build a megalopolis, praying to the Suthra pantheon in the temples of Demonsfall itself and fielding an entire Ducal army that cannot even draw blood. Must you wait until then to be satisfied?"

"That is a ridiculous notion. You know I will not allow any of that to happen".

"You are on the edge of doing precisely that".

"So what if I was? Even then, the Mint would stay in business".

"Reduced to making commemorative pennies for Imperial States, or some such folly".

"You doubt the charity of my good Count".

"Your faith will be the end of you".

"I really do not know what you would have me do".

"The House of Yastreb, for all its insufferable idiocies, has been by every measure as kind to the Mint as the House of Wintersong itself. All who sent me - and there are many - are in unanimous agreement that this state of affairs should continue".

"Unanimous after you'd killed off the dissenters, or before?"

The Assayer ignored Mo'll's remark and continued without missing a beat. "For your kindness to be maintained, you must by definition remain in a position to maintain it".

"Given all that the Mint has done to me, you make an elementary mistake if you think I want to see anything but your collective disposal into the fires of Balgurd".

"Perhaps a certain gratitude for sparing your life at all might better occupy the place of such bitterness".

"You spared me for your own purposes!"

"Yes".

"Gods!" exclaimed Mo'll as he threw up his hands, rose from his seat and began pacing about the room. "If I should be released from my Imperial duty by anything except death, I will be and old and frail individual. I will have a fraction of the energy in administering to Goldshire that I had when I left the Hamlet".

"We wouldn't need your energy. Merely your presence".

"You already have my presence! The Ducal Throne remains mine!"

"And there is great hope in Avakair that it shall remain so".

"Until I die. Then you'd be stuck!"

"You have a son".

"YOU KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY SON!" yelled Mo'll as he became red in the face. "I brought him into this world, I named him so as to live free of the perfidious influence you've seen fit to molest me with. I will keep an ear to your will as long as you leave him in peace. But if you should so much as lay a finger on him then I will not hesitate in cutting the throats of all your kind and reducing Avakair itself to ashes! And even if we should both pay the price for that with our lives, you must at least admit that my retaliation would not be to your advantage". Mo'll slumped back down in his chair, out of breath but glaring at the Assayer with a burning hatred.

"Touching", muttered the Assayer with all the bored tone of a man dragged against his will to accompany his wife on a shopping trip.

"I've got connections", said Mo'll quietly as he regained his breath. "Here in Lichbrook. They did some excellent work restoring me to health when you shitstains had finished with me. I'm sure they can lend me a little more longevity. If it means you don't get Stellus involved".

"Then we have a deal?"

Mo'll diverted his gaze to a nearby porthole. Looking lazily through its aperture to the River Elwynn beyond, he nodded slowly like a naughty schoolchild facing judgement.

"Perhaps your lunacy has not claimed you so profoundly as we had thought. Your decision will be received well in Avakair".

"Spare me the flattery. Get out".

"I believe your guard is under instruction to shoot me if I leave alone".

Mo'll rolled his eyes and escorted the Assayer out of the stateroom past his guard, whose worried expression indicated he had heard at least some of the shouting. Mo'll did not notice the guard nor anything else as he watched the Assayer descend the steps between decks, and returned to his room consumed by his thoughts.
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Re: The Kaiser's Tour of Imperial States: Lichbrook

Post by Lyssansa Rossheim »

Lyssansa admired her new nails, carefully inspecting the liberal application of Lywind blue varnish.

The woman looking over her shoulder appeared rather less impressed. "Let me see if I understand...you're keeping the Kaiser waiting while you refurbish yourself?"

The Queen of Lichbrook laughed airily. "Of course, Poppet! I want to look my best..."

"How reassuring to see Great Grandmother's obsession with the superficial continue," observed the younger woman dryly.

"Why does that surprise you, Octavia? You've clearly inherited her sarcasm."

"Then I've had the better half of her legacy."

Lyssansa turned, gracing her daughter with a condescending smile. "One of the disadvantages of being female is that we are expected to look our best at all times...but then I suppose that isn't such an issue over in Stick-whacking land."

Octavia sighed, adopting the studied weariness of a child who has heard it all before. "It's called Steikfaat, mother...as well you are aware."

"Oh yes, Steikfaat...which translates as stick-whacking."

"Stick fighting."

Lyssansa laughed again. "Really, Poppet...it's such a shame your sense of humour wasn't reanimated along with the rest of you. Mind you, your father never had much of one."

The memory of her father made Octavia scowl. "Perhaps if you're finished now, we can actually go and meet the Kaiser. Only I have things of consequence to do even if you don't."

"Oh, do calm down, dear. The Kaiser won't mind waiting...his wife is one of us, so he understands."

"I'd hope his wife is female, if only to preserve the nuances of our language."

"You know quite well what I mean! Kaiseress Royana is from Dolorous."

"I know...their son has been travelling in Highpass, so I'm told."

"Oh yes...darling Stylus!"

"I believe his name is Stellus, Mother...you might want to get that right before meeting his parents."

"Close enough to convey my meaning. Such a shame you're already betrothed, Octavia...perhaps I might have arranged something."

"Perhaps you need another daughter, then."

Lyssansa rose gracefully to her feet, smoothing down her dress. "Perhaps I do. Minion!" She clapped her hands, instantly summoning a servant. "Tell the band to strike up..."
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Re: The Kaiser's Tour of Imperial States: Lichbrook

Post by Lyssansa Rossheim »

As the familiar strains of Land of the Nifty ring out over the city, a second minion appears before the Kaiser. The minion is a smartly-dressed little man with an oversized bald head and an even larger bow tie, and appears to be of some status; he also appears to be partly mechanical.

"Greetings and Salutations to Your Imperial Niftiness! I am Clarence Etzeterra, Chief Page to Queen Lyssansa. Her Royal Niftiness wishes to convey her apologies for the unavoidable delay and to indicate that she is now able to receive you."
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Re: The Kaiser's Tour of Imperial States: Lichbrook

Post by Kaiser Mo'll I »

"Well I'll be dipped in formaldehyde", said Mo'll with a grin, "I thought that hat-waving fellow in the Landsraad was the height of minionhood but it seems Her Royal Niftiness keeps her tidiest servants on home soil".

Etzeterra's mouth flexed into a smile which, despite its mechanised nature, was nonetheless charming.

"No apology is necessary", continued Mo'll. "Your lichsovereign and I share a love for pretty things, and she can be forgiven for taking as long as is necessary for things to be pretty". He looked down the gangplank on which Etzeterra had come to meet him, and took the arm of Royana who had shuffled to his side. "Shall we?"

____________________________________



The interior of Tempus Keep was far removed from the spartan military functionality which represented it in the Kaiser's outdated illustrated guides. Since Lichbrook's assumption of the complex it had become an altogether more stately affair fit for its Royal resident, with all manner of carpets and drapes, and portaits whose subject matter was somewhat... unique. Mo'll briefly halted in the hall leading to the Throne Chamber to study one such picture: a portrait of some kind of noble, listed on a small name plate as A.D. Pfaffenschaft, and wearing a hat of priestly appearance. What was peculiar was that he wore no further attire, one side of his torso being shown naked, slightly shrunken and pale as Liches tended to be - and the other side being depicted with the outermost layer of flesh cut away and the organs therein depicted with a detailed clarity, in the manner of an anatomical textbook. But unlike a textbook half the organs were missing from their spaces, and some were replaced by facsimiles of metallic appearance adorned with gears and the occasional wire.

Mo'll leaned in and stared at the level of detail, completely forgetting where he was until a shrap jab in the back from Royana's bony finger prompted him back into the moment. He looked around at the patiently waiting minions (and they were all minions here, with the more common zombots seemingly banished outside) and followed Etzeterra's lead down the hall.

Mo'll's entry to the great throne room was announced with a deafening fanfare, which sounded like the trumpet equivalent of running one's hand down all the black keys on a piano. At the end of a double row of ceremonially-dressed Lichguards stood the Kaiser's hosts. One quite readily identifiable by her cascades of luninous light blue hair, a beacon visible from a mile away and almost an act of insurance to reach out to those whom she did not inspire with adoration or fear, by at least commanding their attention. She stood in her full regalia of Lywind blue and morbid black, head slightly bowed and making a faint but mischievous smile at her visitor, like a schoolgirl who has just realised she is her teacher's intellecual equal. To Lyssansa's right and a little behind was a young lichgirl possessed of a stoically intense gaze, and more significantly in custody of a fearsome bladed implement on a pole which looked as if it might kill anyone from merely being looked at long enough. It was lowered to the Kaiser in salute.

"Is that a...?" whispered Royana as the couple approached their hosts along the black carpet.

"Steik", said Mo'll. "Yes, I saw one in Stellus' photo album. Nothing as fancy as that one though".

The agonal fanfare ended, allowing for the precise time it took for one's ears to stop ringing before the Kaiser arrived in front of the Lichqueen. Silence reigned before Mo'll spoke:

"So good it is to be here at last, Royal Niftiness! I was led to believe this keep was in some disrepair, but I seem to have been misinformed. A pretty place, to be sure... but please, allow me to introduce my dearly beloved Consort Royana, my most favoured of all your subjects".

Royana took one step forward, and began a manoeuvre which she had been practicing furiously aboard the Bane of Balgurd for some days. On the face of it, a simple curtsey - but in a lich, such a movement was always accompanied by a certain grinding or clicking of the knees and spine.. In her youth in Dolorous, Royana had read a book on manners; it had stipulated 'a curtsey, when necessary for the greeting of nobles and royalty, is to be enacted quickly and smoothly. Spontaneous audibles from the body are accepted, but only in the strictest possible manner: specifically that any such sounds from different parts of the anatomy are emitted in perfect unison'.

Royana tried to get a feel for the relative lodgement of gas and cartilage in her knees as she dropped before Lyssansa and bowed her head. Luck was evidently on her side, for as her pose reached its nadir the chamber echoed with a single beautiful crack from both her knees, so sharp and deep that it might easily have been mistaken for a Leichenbergish officer snapping his jackbooted heels together in salute. This ordeal being completed, Royana rose to her feet in relief, smiled, and spoke in the best hushed lich-hiss she could muster:

"Most honoured to visit your Court, Your Royal Niftiness".
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Re: The Kaiser's Tour of Imperial States: Lichbrook

Post by Tokaray al-Osman »

Elwynnese Coordinated Broadcasting Corporation (ECBC) wrote:
His Imperial Magnificence Aurangzeb II Steffki, Kaiser of the Imperial Republic of Shireroth, Thane of the Shirelands, Keeper of the Apollo Legacy, Wielder of the Sword of Vengeance, Grand Master of the Orders of the Dragon, Griffin, Phoenix, and Chimera, Sovereign of the Golden Mango Throne.
Dr Tokaray al-Osman KBH, Commissioner of the Chamber of the Crypteia, Emir of Jadid Khaz Modan, Annexer of Yardistan

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Re: The Kaiser's Tour of Imperial States: Lichbrook

Post by Kaiser Mo'll I »

(Rossheim's battered immune system hurries for nobody... least of all Rossheim. Cheer up, there's nearly two months still remaining in my reign - plenty of time to get to Elwynn, though for the time being you may want to stand down whatever guards of honour haven't yet succumbed to starvation or developed arthritis for being stood at attention so long)
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Re: The Kaiser's Tour of Imperial States: Lichbrook

Post by Rei Milharna »

(And you may want to consider knee replacements for those that have.)

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Re: The Kaiser's Tour of Imperial States: Lichbrook

Post by Tokaray al-Osman »

Astonishingly the concept of being at-ease whilst waiting for hoity-toity types to finish with dilly-dallying and shilly-shallying is both widespread and readily understood.
His Imperial Magnificence Aurangzeb II Steffki, Kaiser of the Imperial Republic of Shireroth, Thane of the Shirelands, Keeper of the Apollo Legacy, Wielder of the Sword of Vengeance, Grand Master of the Orders of the Dragon, Griffin, Phoenix, and Chimera, Sovereign of the Golden Mango Throne.
Dr Tokaray al-Osman KBH, Commissioner of the Chamber of the Crypteia, Emir of Jadid Khaz Modan, Annexer of Yardistan

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