Elaleukin Kvithion: On the Barentsz-Edwards affair

The home island and summer abode of the Raikothin. At it's heart lies the volcanic mountain known as Yaanek, famous in antiquity for the peculiar prophetic utterances of the Priests of Joy situated there.

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Kvani Neyin
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Elaleukin Kvithion: On the Barentsz-Edwards affair

Post by Kvani Neyin »

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ELALEUKIN KVITHION: ARAKENDARK ZADAIKATELION GALI

20 SYANEPHIR 4683


1. The egregore of the Shining Garden as instantiated in the Angel of Evidence concludes with 99% probability that Cholikaite Syarkakavi [previously translated as Count by mistake; please ignore mistranslation] Simon Barentsz-Edward is responsible for the attempted bribery of a Priest of Beauty of the fifth rank. Also of note, he is most likely also guilty of the attempted murder by poisoning of Prince Elijah Ayreon of Elwynn, in direct contravention of Archpriest Endi Arusion's Cloud-Apple declaration on assassinations, of the Risurion-silk, of the Treaty of Shirekeep, of the Charter of Shireroth, and of common moral decency.

2. Barentsz-Edward-mai bears a record of exemplary service to the Shining Garden. However, his presence on an island famed for its cabbage production and recent history of erratic behavior suggest he is no longer in full possession of his mental faculties. A cognitive evaluation by a Priest of Beauty of the fifth rank determined that he lacked even the most basic recall of simple grammar school facts, and that he has become irritable and prone to outbursts of anger. Upon his entrance to Tala he stated that he believed himself to be ruler of the city, suggesting delusions of grandeur, and he was spotted singing a bizarre, dissonant, rhythmless song to himself. According to Davi Esirion-mai, Priest of Beauty of the seventh rank, these are all potential symptoms of late stage chronic cabbage toxicity.

3. We conclude that Barentsz-Edward-mai's various crimes are not the result of malice but of insanity. However, he remains blameworthy for his original use of the cabbage despite clear warnings not to touch it until the psychoactive chemicals within had been fully studied and integrated into the sacraments. Therefore, the Shining Garden cannot fully absolve him of blame by reason of insanity. See Chapters 431 and 802 of the Risurion-silk for proofs of the ethical calculus behind this decision.

4. Although it is traditional for General Techanion of the Paladins to pass sentence in a case such as this, he has granted this right to the Archpriest due to the sensitive political nature of the proceedings as well as his own continuing occupation in Apollonia. The Archpriest declares that Barentsz-Edward-mai may choose between two consequences. First, he may accept permanent banishment to the monastery of Kphoraban in the Thousand Nadirs, where he will be trained in an honest life of musk ox farming while the monks and priests there attempt to reconstitute his pre-cabbage personality. Second, he may accept total banishment from the Shining Garden, which when combined with Duke Alaion's ban against him anywhere in Elwynn except the Shining Garden implies he will be forced out of Elwynn entirely.

5. The Shining Garden notes the West Elw request to extradite Barentsz-Edward-mai to face justice for his attempted murder of the Elw Prince. This request is just and reasonable. However, the legalities of extraditng the accused directly are complicated both by our own law prohibiting interaction with West Elwynn and by the Shirerithian law preventing diplomatic interactions between a Shirerithian subdivision and a foreign power. Therefore, with all respect we suggest the West Elw take their extradition request to the Kaiser and the Ministry of the Exterior. If such a request is lodged, KaiRaikoth will support it.

6. It has been noticed that Barentsz-Edwards is trying to sell classified Raikothin technology, in particular a quadrotor currently located on the island of Raepsentikoth (Northern Absentia). Foreign powers attempting to participate in this deal should be aware Barentsz-Edwards does not legally own this quadrotor and, being under heavy guard in Tala at the moment, also has no access to it. Northern Absentia will be restored to communion with the Shining Garden immediately, and in the meantime any attempt to "collect" this quadrotor from Absentia will be intercepted and shot down by Quetzal fighters based at the military airfield just west of Corrigible.

7. Barentsz-Edwards-mai not having appointed a Steward, and the Shining Garden being anyway unable to trust that any Steward so appointed would be entirely conducive to the kelanth mri, the Marginally Exalted Terrace of Northern Absentia is hereby placed for the time being under the control of the Partially Exalted Terrace of Ursa Borealis, and Viscount Rexus Ursalion is taxed with restoring order.

8. The decision algorithms of the Angel of Evidence will be re-weighted to place more emphasis on the sound judgment of Duke Balarak Alaion, especially regarding judgments of character, in the future.

All things will proceed as foreseen.

KVANI NEYIN
ARCHPRIEST OF JOY
INLISKAVI GALINOMAI RAIKOTH

Elijah Ayreon
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Re: Elaleukin Kvithion: On the Barentsz-Edwards affair

Post by Elijah Ayreon »

Kvani Neyin wrote:Also of note, he is most likely also guilty of the murder by poisoning of Prince Elijah Ayreon of Elwynn
I am alive. He didn't kill me! If this is Hyperborean calculations... I WAS INSANE NOT DEAD!!!
Elijah Ayreon-Dariolin of Waffle-Paine (no longer with us)

Ric.

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Scott Alexander
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Re: Elaleukin Kvithion: On the Barentsz-Edwards affair

Post by Scott Alexander »

Sorry about that. I've edited the post to say "attempted murder".

In character, my explanation is that Raikothin law doesn't distinguish between attempted murder and murder. This isn't just one of my weird Raikoth things, it always just seemed like common sense. Why let someone with obvious murderous intent off easy just because he got unlucky or did a poor job?

Elijah Ayreon
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Re: Elaleukin Kvithion: On the Barentsz-Edwards affair

Post by Elijah Ayreon »

:yay: :bow:

You guys are too funny. But you're no longer the scariest in Greater Elwynn.
Elijah Ayreon-Dariolin of Waffle-Paine (no longer with us)

Ric.

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Orion
Full of shi... err.. stars!
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Re: Elaleukin Kvithion: On the Barentsz-Edwards affair

Post by Orion »

As Viscount of Ursa Borealis, I shall dispatch a team forthwith to restore order to Northern Absentia in accordance with these commands.

Simon B.E.

Re: Elaleukin Kvithion: On the Barentsz-Edwards affair

Post by Simon B.E. »

As Simon hears the verdict he receives a letter which he glances over quickly. He then clears his throat and announces to the Archpriest.

"Thank you my lord, a wise verdict, I will be on my way then, finding exile in Mar Sara and all of that. Directions to the closest port please?"

Monty
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Re: Elaleukin Kvithion: On the Barentsz-Edwards affair

Post by Monty »

You're not going anywhere for now. You will remain in the custody of the Duchy until I get to the bottom of this complete disaster.
Lord Montague

Balarak Alaiaon, Duke of Elwynn, Unifier of the Severed Duchy, Sequestrer of Disharmony

Also operating as Jean Carmichael, Duke of Evreaux, Speaker of the Imperial Assembly.
Oh and Eli Naveh too, Chief of the Ashkenatzan Naval Staff.

In Battle; Unbeatable. In Victory; Unbearable.

Simon B.E.

Re: Elaleukin Kvithion: On the Barentsz-Edwards affair

Post by Simon B.E. »

Thank you for letting me stay in Elwynn my duke!

Monty
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Re: Elaleukin Kvithion: On the Barentsz-Edwards affair

Post by Monty »

It will unlikely be for long.
Lord Montague

Balarak Alaiaon, Duke of Elwynn, Unifier of the Severed Duchy, Sequestrer of Disharmony

Also operating as Jean Carmichael, Duke of Evreaux, Speaker of the Imperial Assembly.
Oh and Eli Naveh too, Chief of the Ashkenatzan Naval Staff.

In Battle; Unbeatable. In Victory; Unbearable.

Simon B.E.

Re: Elaleukin Kvithion: On the Barentsz-Edwards affair

Post by Simon B.E. »

Yes my duke, I will cooperate with your inquiry.

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Vilhelm Benkern
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Re: Elaleukin Kvithion: On the Barentsz-Edwards affair

Post by Vilhelm Benkern »

The Comital government of Mar Sara is ready to accept responsibility for the gentleman concerned, having already confirmed this arrangement with him privately. To ease the concern of the Archpriest and the government of Elwynn, the Count can assure them that Simon will be granted full voluntary access to our many psychiatric treatment facilities in the peaceful Tyrelian mountains should he wish to be treated for any defects of the mind. And it will also please them to learn that cabbages are not native to our island, though at the moment we do not bar their import.
Vilhelm Benkern DEOMI, Member of the Order of the Dragon, Silver Swan, Red Dragon
Dirigent of Musica, Count of Mar Sara
In Aryasht Prapta Vrteti, former Prince of Aryasht; Zaila Vrteti, Norfolknath
In Elwynn Benjamin Sebasokrator Timothy Quentin Kern, Duke of Raikoth
In Khalypsil Representative of the Wisdom

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Scott Alexander
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Re: Elaleukin Kvithion: On the Barentsz-Edwards affair

Post by Scott Alexander »

In accordance with the Duke, Mr. Edwards will be flown under guard to Dragonskeep.

Under the circumstances, I believe it will be in the most primitive model of biplane available.

Simon B.E.

Re: Elaleukin Kvithion: On the Barentsz-Edwards affair

Post by Simon B.E. »

My lord, I plead you to transport me in a triplane, they have cultural significance for my family.

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Scott Alexander
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Re: Elaleukin Kvithion: On the Barentsz-Edwards affair

Post by Scott Alexander »

Let it not be said I am without mercy. We'll go one better and use a tetraplane!

Simon B.E.

Re: Elaleukin Kvithion: On the Barentsz-Edwards affair

Post by Simon B.E. »

Such a display of mercy makes me feel guilty for my crimes.

Simon B.E.

Re: Elaleukin Kvithion: On the Barentsz-Edwards affair

Post by Simon B.E. »

Simon hands this letter to his jailers and asks them to bring it to the Archpriest.
My lord,

When I awoke this morning with a severe headache I could hardly believe what I had dreamed about. Massive quadrotors, acres of the finest Leng cabbage, I dream about them often, but in this dream they danced around me while I was showered with Norse gold. There were rocks which turned into helicopters and boats which on a second look were just a bit of old wood. I am surprised to find myself in a cold cell, I expected to awake on the Coast of Cabbage where it was only yesterday that we landed with the old trawler and struck a deal with the Nosquamese. Or was it? It seems so long ago but that might be because the dream seemed so long. My head feels hot from fever and I have no idea where I am my lord, if you know I beg you to send a doctor to check on me, I feel I might not survive otherwise.

Your servant,

Simon Barentsz-Edward
4922 ASC? Cold Cell

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Scott Alexander
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Re: Elaleukin Kvithion: On the Barentsz-Edwards affair

Post by Scott Alexander »

Kvani nodded to the Paladin general guarding the prison. "Do send him a doctor. He may have had a bad reaction to the anaesthetic."

"Anaesthetic?" asked the general.

"Oh, you weren't kept in the loop about that? Sedative in his food, then mild anaesthetic for a very very minor surgery. Subdermal implantation of a tracking device. He has no idea it's there."

"A surgically implanted tracking device? But what about the one in his luggage?"

"He might leave the luggage somewhere."

"And the one in his hair?"

"Might get a haircut."

"And the one in his spectacles?"

"Might get laser eye surgery."

"Are you sure this is necessary?"

"No. But with this one, I've learned it's better to be safe than sorry. Do send the doctor quickly, the tetraplane to Breizagrad is arriving in an hour. There we'll turn him over the Mar Sarans and wash our hands of this whole affair."

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