The Kaiser's Tour of Imperial States: Yardistan

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Kaiser Mo'll I
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The Kaiser's Tour of Imperial States: Yardistan

Post by Kaiser Mo'll I »

"We're trying all the hailing frequencies, signal lamp, semaphore, maroons, smoke signals... but we're getting nothing, Niftiness".

The Fleet Admiral directed Mo'll's gaze to the nearby battleship Aurangzeb's Revenge anchored at the head of the Imperial Fleet in the South Bay of the Isle of Mirioth. It flashed, smoked and honked all manner of sirens at the shore, which appeared to have no effect.

"Do they even have radios or coastguards here?" said Mo'll.

"They have done, Sir", said the Admiral, "whether they do this morning is another matter. Perhaps we would have had more luck had we persevered off the Isle of Yardistan proper".

"No no no", said Mo'll. "We tried enough there. Mirioth is the only place we can enter Yardistani territorial waters uninvited without being... molested".

"I don't know if they'd forgive the entry of an entire fleet, Sir. Even with a Kaiser aboard".

"Indeed they wouldn't forgive a Kaiser. But in Mirioth, they would forgive a Lunatic". Mo'll winked and turned to the Bane of Balgurd's captain. "Assemble a shore party, I want to get some sand beneath my feet".

____________


After an uneventful landing in the Bane of Balgurd's tender boat and a scramble up the beach, Mo'll proceeded on foot with a gaggle of bodyguards and officials along a muddy track leading inland. There was much scratching of heads when the first settlement they reached, unlike the bustling village depicted on their maps, consisted of a mere three ramshackle houses. Not a soul was to be seen, and the party came to a halt among the buildings.

"Anybody home?" called Mo'll.

After a few seconds a door to one of the cottages creaked open. An elderly man who appeared closer to death than life peered from its frame and made out the shape of the crowd with his myopic eyes. Stunned for a moment, he withdrew back inside and slammed the door. One of the bodyguards was approaching to knock the door and draw him back out when the sound of running footsteps grew from the track whence the group had come. Everybody turned to see a man dressed in something between a priestly garment and a military uniform runnning toward them.

"Ye dogs!" he yelled as he came to a halt and panted with exhaustion, "What do ye think this is, a menagerie? Ye can't jus' come swannin' in here with a fockin' great fleet of iron ships and go wanderin' round lookin' at the countryfolk! And what's all that racket ye've been makin' with that big ship?? Round 'ere we likes ta sleep late ya know! Now I dun't know who ye are, but ye can all turn round and scurry off back to yer stupid honkin..."

The official suddenly turned deathly pale as he looked into Mo'll's face, matching it with the new portrait that had recently been hung in his office. He sunk to his knees, and began to tremble. "...by the accursed hand o' Mog... Yer Niftiness? Oh forgive me, forgive me with me words, Be it really yerself?"

"Yes, I can only apologise for showing up unexpected. And please stand up, you'll get your uniform dirty. Now, who might you be?"

The official jumped up to attention. "Norres Griffkin, Yer Niftiness. Alejian Gendarmes, Avalon Chapter. At yer service".

"Good. Now were you aware that I was due to make a visit to Yardistan?"

"Oh aye Sire, there were talk of it. But we didn' know ye were comin' here ta Mirioth. No dog told us Sire, none at all... we thought it were all arranged elsewhere".

"Your faith in your Duke is touching, Officer. Alas he's a hard man to get hold of. Do you know where we might best send word to him of our presence?"

"Tha' would be back at the Gendarmes' Station, Sire. If ye'd all care ta follow me, we gots a telegraph thingy what works by light alone. Or so they tells me. Ye can raise tha Duke on that alright".

"Excellent. Lead the way".

As Mo'll and his entourage were led back down the track by Officer Griffkin, the old man in the cottage cautiously opened his door and watched their departure.

"Ere Aishy... I think I jus' seen tha Kaiser".

"Shut the facecave!" screeched an elderly lady's voice from inside. "Yesserday ye saw a walkin' boulder, and tha day before ye seen Viviantia 'erself. Yer eyes lies!"

"Nah I tells ye, they was talkin' about him bein' Kaiser an' everythin'!"

"So yer ears is failin' ye now? Get back in 'ere and shut the door, there be awful draft comin' in. An' fetch tha file, me warts need grindin' down!"
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Kaiser Mo'll I
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Re: The Kaiser's Tour of Imperial States: Yardistan

Post by Kaiser Mo'll I »

Mo'll reached into the candy bowl again, only to find it empty. Along with the wobbling, hastily cushioned chair he was sitting on, it was the only hospitality available from the humble Gendarmes' station, of which Officer Griffkin appeared to be the only custodian. Indeed the building itself appeared barely tidier than the crumbling cottages Mo'll had first encountered, yet Mo'll reasoned that his current reception really was the best that the local population could offer with their limited means. He did not like the candy and picked at it slowly, it being of a local type far too bitter for his palate. The fact he had nonetheless worked his way through the whole bowl revealed that he had been been waiting here for some time.

The only change had been the gentle but growing chatter outside, as rumour spread and a small crowd had gathered to catch a glimpse of the Kaiser. Mo'll had let them wait, preferring to trust the efforts of Officer Griffkin in contacting the Duke first.

"Gahds, if this thing worked half tha time, if I could remember the routine half tha time, an' if I could gets a straight answer when I finally gets through... truly we'd be blessed, Yer Niftiness", said Griffkin with a barely concealed frustration as he flicked down the receiver of the communicatory contraption mounted to the wall of his office.

"Have you found the ear of the Duke himself yet?" said Mo'll.

"Nay Sir, 'fraid not. The best I gets is one o' them flunkies o' his, a different one each time. They says he's about but won't let me talk ta him, they wants... official channels, they said".

"Would it help if I spoke to them myself?"

"Well see Sir, they dun' believe you're 'ere. They thinks I'm goin' mad. I offered to let 'em speak to ye but they said I 'ad an imposter. They even suggested I arrest ye".

"And have you any intention of doing so?"

Griffkin looked at the Kaiser's bodyguards stationed around the room, who were all disapprovedly pouting in his direction. "Nay Sir, o' course not. I knows yer tha Kaiser. And if ya ain't, ya does a stinkin' good impression".

A quiet chuckle went around the room, and Mo'll leaned into the ear of his secretary Ivybridge who was stood beside him. "Any luck through our channels?"

"No more than the Gendarme here, Your Niftiness" said Ivybridge. "It appears the Duke has better things to do".

Mo'll looked at the magnificent Mar Saran grandfather clock in the corner, which dwarfed everything in the room including the Kaiser himself. "And after this much time, so do I. But somebody needs to know I've been. How many are outside?"

"A good fifty now, Your Niftiness", said a bodyguard stationed by the window. He nudged it open a little, revealing the deep tones of a Cedrist liturgy being sung. "Including priests".

The crowd did not immediately notice Mo'lls emergence in the open doorway of the Gendarmes' Station, chattering among themselves until a gradual chorus of hisses and pointing brought about their hushed attention. The priests took out communion grenades and motioned to the bodyguards, who wagged their fingers to hold off the B0O0/\/\ until the Kaiser had spoken. Mo'll surveyed the crowd - some surprisingly well-dressed given the rustic appearance of the area - and he began to address them:

"So these are the blessed faces of Mirioth! They tell me you are the most virtuous sons and daughters of all the 'Stan".

The crowed looked at each other with puzzled frowns, and some giggled quietly. Mo'll continued:

"Perhaps they taught me too poetically in Lune Villa. But it is a pleasure to be here, and to walk among the common people. While the lives of those you call your nobles have been of relative silence, surely you before me have made your various ways in life without fanfare, yet without cease..."

Many in the crowd nodded. Some emitted hums of affirmation.

"...and this is as well, for a busy Yardistani is an unrebellious Yardistani..."

"Unless he's busy plottin' rebellion", muttered a voice in the crowd.

"...unless he is busy plotting rebellion", repeated Mo'll as if the words were his own to begin with. "And while I sit upon a throne vacated by a Yardistani Kaiser, perhaps this is the case. But you folk of Mirioth, with your brothers on Amity and So-Sara are possessed of a gift of virtue and judgement quite unlike the rest of Yardistan. From where I come as a Kaiser, it is alas a thorn of complication in history's side. But from where I come as a man, the noble deeds of your glorious past are clear and unforgotten. And this is why I come to you, forsaking the dark unknowns of the Isle of Isles, the stomping grounds of displaced Absentians or the sheer distance of the Southern Jewel. And being here, I am glad that the sight of this isle and its people now fill my eyes before all others".

Mo'll paused, and the crowd murmured among themselves trying to make sense of his cryptic flattery. Having no better response, they broke into polite applause as Mo'll walked among them, greeting and conversing with each in turn: peasants, priests and Alejian clan elders. A small boy emerged and presented Mo'll with a black tom cat whose fur appeared a rusty brown in the sun, and with its torn ear and missing tooth was evidently a stray creature captured for the purpose. It did not show aggression however, and Mo'll scooped it up with one hand while patting the child's head with the other in thanks. He then led his entourage and the crowd of admirers back to the shore, and to the Bane of Balgurd's tender boat.

As the people of this small corner of Mirioth waved the boat off and let off their B0O0/\/\ing grenades in farewell, Mo'll discovered that his feline gift was the sort that would meow, wait until meowed at, then return the meow indefinitely. Mo'll was rather taken with this, and with such simple conversation he contented himself as he returned to the Bane of Balgurd, bringing the cat to his dining table that evening and intermittently continuing the dialogue of meows until at last Royana threatened to throw the creature overboard. Instead, Mo'll agreed to retire for the night - and the fleet prepared to sail.
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