Another ric bites the dust

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Kaiser Ayreon IV
AHS (Ayreonist Horror Story)
Posts: 902
Joined: Sat Jul 08, 2017 9:46 pm

Another ric bites the dust

Post by Kaiser Ayreon IV »

A normal morning in the Ministry of the Exterior. Workers had been in their office for about forty minutes. As usual, Lord Chrysostom Wythe, an old Goldshirian gentleman and direct descendant of one the old Kaiser Wythe’s many children, was running late. He was the commissioner of representation, and the manager of this office. Although with an intellectual demeanour (he thought his well-groomed grey beard and monocle on the left eye proved his intelligence) and appreciation from most of his underlings, he was notorious for micromanaging business, ensuring that any kind of decision had to have his stamp of approval (“this is a government of collective responsibility; I am responsible to the Minister, the Minister to the Steward, and the Steward to the Legislature and Kaiser! If you hide something from me, it’s like hiding it from the Kaiser!”). To the women, he was a bit of a misogynist. Though he never touched them inappropriately or made sexual innuendo, both of which he thought was an indicator of his egalitarianness, women in his office felt belittled. Some of them, like his private secretary, an Elw girl, with good reason. He always called her “Girl” as he could never remember her name – (it was Misa Tefadilion).

Misa had gotten to the Ministry quite early this morning to finish up some paperwork from yesterday evening which he hadn’t had time to finish. But on this morning, she was interrupted by the constant phoning from the Embassy of the Republic of Inner Benacia. The Ambassador there, a chubby angry-looking fellow whose Laqi name was unpronounceable to everyone except himself, had been instructed by his government to deliver a gift, arriving in the middle of the night from Bagegenisort to Shirekeep with diplomatic post, to the Kaiser without any haste. He was particularly eager – and while it was unusual for such a high-level official to call directly, rather than using appropriate underlings, Misa thought it might have been down to the weird customs and habits that “Ribbers” had. The Ambassador told her it was a golden vase decorated with gem stones and silver linings. He wasn’t entirely sure why the gift had to be delivered without any needless delay, but he thought it might have been a belated marriage gift to the Kaiser on the occasion of his marriage with Emperor Nathan I. To avoid more embarrassment for his government, the theory went, the RIB government wanted to deliver the gift as soon as humanly possible. Moreover, it was important, said the Ambassador, that the RIB government showed its appreciation for Shireroth’s defence of RIB independence and sovereignty in the MTO lately. Misa understood, and promised she would bring it up with Commissioner Lord Wythe as soon as she could.

Misa’s office within the Ministry of the Exterior – the Commission of Representation – dealt with the direct contact between the Ministry of the Exterior and the foreign diplomatic missions in Shirekeep and between the Ministry and its own diplomatic missions abroad. Any requests from the embassies to deal with any other agency of the imperial government (including an audience with the Kaiser) had to go through the Commission of Representation. With Lord Wythe’s joy of micromanaging everything, there was always a queue of underlings at Wythe’s office with papers ready to be signed and explained. But with Misa being the private secretary, she had privileged access to him. Perhaps today was the day he would learn her name – as she would be the one ensuring that the Kaiser got his gift without any delay. Ah, she liked that thought, maybe she could even get a raise.

At that moment she saw the tall commissioner hurry through the corridor toward his office at the end, smoking a pipe of gods know what. After him began following the long trail of workers carrying piles of papers waiting to be signed. The Ministry of State – the one charged with tax, population registers, defence, policing, and so on – had been fully digitalized decades ago. But the Minister of the Exterior is an ancient ministry, built on ancient traditions, and in this office in particular, led by an ancient. So there were only papers. The office had even stocked enough typewriters to last for months without electricity. Of course they were not in use (workers were allowed to use computers of some newness…) except for the grand commissioner of course, who preferred using a typewriter, because that was a symbol of civilization. And no one could ever hack it. Misa thought that unless her colleagues at the office got transferred to other ministries or arms of the civil service, they would all build up strong arms after carrying all that paper.

“Good morning, Lord Commissioner”, said Misa as she cut through the queue of paper-carrying minions.

“Good morning my girl,” said the Commissioner. “Get me a coffee with a stash of you know what. I haven’t slept well.”

Misa looked hesitant. She knew she would always give him coffee, and given that he wanted it mixed with Euran poppy juice indicated that today he’d be in a fowl mood. But if the Kaiser ever got his gift too late, she knew her lord would be in trouble, and he would harass her for it.


“Unless there was something you needed to say first?” said the Commissioner. He had been working with Misa for many years now and, even though he made an effort to seem uncaring to the needs of his workers, he did care about her (to a degree), and because of that was quite good at reading her. He supposed that that was the reason they had a good collaborative relationship.

“Yes, my Lord. The Ribber ambassador has been calling all morning. Apparently they have a big golden box to give the Kaiser as soon as possible. It’s a gift, they really want to show their appreciation for our lobbying for them in the MTO and to congratulate the Kaiser on his marriage.”


“Yes, that unholy association…” muttered Commissioner Wythe, careful not to define which association he referred to. “The Ribbers really ought to give some gifts, they haven’t called on the Kaiser or any of us lately. Tributes shall be paid! I’ll call the Minister for confirmation, but send the Ambassador here so we can inspect the gift. The ambassador is far too scruffy to be sent to the Kaiser’s Keep… With any luck, he’ll give us the gift and we can give it to the Kaiser. But yes, I’ll call the Minister and you’ll invite the Ambassador in here this morning.”

Misa always found the Commissioner’s way of thinking out loud endearing, but she especially enjoyed how he would always summarize his thoughts at the end of his monologue. That way, he was more easily understood, and she didn’t have to listen through his thought process but just wait for the end.

Two hours later the Ambassador of the Republic of Inner Benacia, flanked by one equally scruffy-looking attaché and one very kept stylish Shirekeep rich-boy-style-looking secretary, was received by Commissioner Wythe and Misa. After the pleasantries were exchanged, the Ambassador presented the splendid-looking box. Misa wondered how the Ribbers even could afford something like this.

“I should very much like to deliver this to the Kaiser in person – those are the instructions from Lady Cherokee.”

“Ah yes, Cherokee. She’s a funny woman. Met her a few times. How is she holding up? Glad she’s teaching you boys decorum. Anyway, Ambassador, you do realize we need to have the box checked out first.”


“It’s just a box, my Lord” said the yuppy-looking flanker.

“But a box contains something.”

“Oh no, it’s just a box” interjected the Ambassador. “When can I see the Kaiser?”


“I spoke to the Court. Our Lord the Radiant Sun has scheduled audiences at 2 this afternoon. We’ll bump you to the first place in the queue.” Wythe then moved to the box, inspected it with his eyes and hands. He felt the lid, but struggled to open it. It seemed sealed.

“My Lord! No need to struggle. Just let it be. I assure you, Lady Cherokee assures you, the box is empty.”

Something about the ambassador seemed off. Misa could see it, and she was sure the ambassador could notice it too. He was a good reader of people, after all… The ambassador seemed nervous. Wythe made a final push to the lid and broke the seal.

Misa looked at the ambassador and his men. The ambassador’s face had gone pale while the flankers were looking as boring and uninterested as they had done a few minutes ago.

“Ah, Lady Cherokee,” chuckled the Commissioner while looking down in the box. “She surely sent her regards, Ambassador. You do realize that by now our alliance is off, right?” Still laughing, he pressed the panic button on his wrist watch, and security guards ran inside the room and arrested the ambassador and his entourage.

Misa leaned forward to check. In the box, she saw the severed head of Karmen Joonai Lady Cherokee, the Shirerithian-placed foreign minister of the Republic of Inner Benacia.
Ayreon IV
Former Kaiser of Shireroth (now dead)
RIC

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