Analis

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Gerk
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Analis

Post by Gerk »

This entire story can now be found compiled in a single google doc, located here. Enjoy.
I feel I should probably mention, there are a few instances of innuendo, but only to the extent that it may be rated PG. But if this is the kind of thing that might offend you, well, you probably shouldn't even be on the internet.

You may want to refresh your memory with this topic and this topic (or, if you've never read them, I suggest doing so) before continuing, particularly the bit of narrative at the bottom of the second link there, in Rafel's backstory. Yes, I wrote that over a year ago; yes, I have been planning this for at least that long.

I hope you've all had a merry Christmas, mine unfortunately started out with a rather sour event which has left a bitter taste in my mouth, so to speak, throughout, but I suppose it hasn't been terrible. Left me a bit unmotivated, too, so this might come out slower than I originally planned, but we'll see. Anyway, enough with the chat, I give you the nearly-five-page resolution of the previous mystery -slash- opening of my brand new character, Analis. Which is pronounced 'ah-nah-LEES,' just so you can get in the hang of reading the name properly.
It was a rainy evening, one week after Gerk’s death, when Rafel sat alone in the home he had shared with Gerk in Anebati. He should have been in Shelsa, attending to his new duties as Chief Justice, or at least doing something about the power vacuum that was currently the throne of Toketi. Another week or so and fighting might actually break out. He was glad that he was still the head of the military, or he wouldn’t have any control. But, in any case, Rafel just needed some time alone, to think. He was sad, for sure, but he wasn’t grieving. He’d already passed that stage. He just needed time to think. Apparently thinking was a luxury when you had as much to do as Gerk once had. Rafel wondered how Gerk had managed it.

He was thinking about his own mortality again. He still retreated to the vault every week to halt his aging, but Gerk’s death had made him once again consider if it was the right thing to do. Gerk had never stopped him from it. But did that make it right? He was already over fifty years old, and yet didn’t look or feel a day over thirty.

But, more than anything else, he thought about Gerk’s final words. Who was ‘her,’ and, more importantly, where was she? Rafel could only hope that she was all that Gerk must have thought she was, because it would take something close to a miracle to keep the Tokish government from falling apart.

Rafel’s thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. He was not surprised to have a visitor; the People of the Jookoo had been stopping by to talk to him and offer their condolences all week. But he was surprised that somebody had come in the rain. Not having technology such as umbrellas, most Jookooians tended to stay indoors during the rain. But, nevertheless, he rose and went to open the door.

Outside stood a young woman whom Rafel did not recognize, though that was hardly surprising. Anebati was a constantly growing community, and it was difficult to keep track of all the members. The first thing that struck Rafel about this woman was her bright blue eyes, the flickering candlelight from behind him glinting off of them, making them look like running water. Her skin was fair, and she wore a simple yet elegant blue gown, which looked to Rafel as if it were made of silk. The only thing keeping her dry was a blue hooded cowl she wore over her head, and Rafel could see strands of golden hair underneath the hood.

“I am sorry,” she said timidly, “But… may I come in? It is very… wet out here.”

Rafel did not answer immediately, as he was once again struck by her soft blue eyes, which held a sort of kindness that somehow seemed familiar. “Oh, of course!” Rafel answered finally, as he moved aside and gestured her inside. As she stepped out of the rain and into the light of the house, Rafel finally noticed the strangest thing about her. She was completely dry. And it wasn’t just that the water had not touched her, her shoes and stockings were free of mud from the ground as well. There was an obvious explanation, and Rafel checked his magesight.

Which only served to puzzle him further. Yes, this woman had magical ability, quite a bit, actually, but it was untrained. The spell keeping her dry seemed to be working on instinct more than conscious concentration. For someone in her mid-twenties (as Rafel estimated her age), having never had magical training was almost unheard of in Gralus. But there was something more than that. It was not just untrained; it was new. Like it had only been with the girl for less than a month. Which made absolutely no sense, when most mages were born with the ability. And yet, from the stories Gerk had told of his earlier life, it had happened twice before that he knew.

Rafel was broken from his thoughts when she spoke. “You are Rafel, yes? I… am called Analis.” She held out her hand hesitatively as if she were unaccustomed to shaking hands.

Rafel took it gently as his mind started back up again. Her speech – at first it had seemed that she was just distraught like the visitors he had before, but that was not quite it. Her tentativeness seemed to indicate instead that she was unsure of the language itself. Rafel’s eyes widened as he put two and two together. “You’re… not from around here, are you, Analis?”

She smiled. “You are as intelligent as they said you would be. But you look rather young for your age. Yes, as you suspect, I am from the island of Anaglea.”

“You must be here about Gerk, then,” Rafel said, and Analis nodded. “I’m sorry, if you were planning on taking him back to his homeland to be buried, you can’t. He was cremated earlier this week, and I doubt the Gralan Government will be willing to release his remains anytime soon.”

“Gerk is dead?” Analis was clearly in shock.

“Oh, oh, I’m sorry, didn’t you know? I just – I mean I thought that since you speak so well, you would have heard, or at least read it in the news somewhere along your way.”

Analis was crying now. “I can not read your language,” she said between sobs, “we had nothing from which to learn the characters on Anaglea.”

“Here, here, sit down,” Rafel said, offering her a chair. He wasn’t sure what to do. He’d never been accustomed to showing much emotion himself, and here was this girl who had clearly traveled all this way just to see Gerk, and he hadn’t done very well at breaking the news to her. It seemed to him as if she was in agony. If he didn’t know any better, which he really didn’t, he would say that he’d just managed to crush all her hopes and dreams. “Gerk rarely spoke of Anaglea; I know that he was a hero for your people, but I had no idea he was so beloved.”

Analis managed to steady her breathing after a moment. “Yes, the Anagleans hold him in very high regard.” She sniffed twice. “But I do not merely weep for the loss of a great man.”

At this point, she broke into sobs once again, but Rafel thought it better to simply hand her a handkerchief and allow her to finish her explanation without interruption.

“I weep for the loss of my father.”

“Holy crap,” was what issued from Rafel’s mouth before he could regain control of his thoughts. And even then, they were coming far too quickly to be comprehensible. “I’m sorry, I need a moment,” Rafel said, to the general direction of where his brain thought he remembered Analis was sitting, and he nearly staggered out of the room and into the kitchen. He walked to the water basin, cupped some in his hands, and splashed the cool water into his face.

Of course. Her eyes. They might be a more brilliant blue than Gerk’s, but they had the same confident kindness. He hadn’t recognized it before because he never would have expected this. Clearly he had quite a lot to learn about the unpredictability of Gerk’s secrets. If she was conceived during Gerk’s return to Anaglea, not only would nobody here have known about her, but it would put her at around twenty five years old. And she was clearly the ‘her’ Gerk was referring to in his final words. But the question remained; how did Gerk, devoid of magical ability and never having again returned to Anaglea, know about his daughter when nobody else did?

Rafel rubbed his hands down his face and torso, running them over his leather vest. In doing so, he felt the envelope, inserted neatly into the inner pocket of his vest, which Gerk had given him about five years previous. He pulled it out and stared at it, slightly yellowed, with faded ink on the front scrawling out his name. You’ll know when the time comes to open it, Gerk had told him on his deathbed. Rafel figured that the time was now.

Rafel walked back into the sitting room, where Analis was waiting patiently. Her tears had stopped, but the wetness was still visible on her face. “He never told you about me?” Her inflection denoted that it was only half-question.

“He liked to keep his secrets. I imagine he’ll explain himself through this.” Rafel held out the envelope. “He gave it to me a few years ago, and told me I would know when to open it. I can only assume he meant it for you.”

Analis took the envelope very carefully, and opened it. She pulled out two separate stacks of folded paper, unfolded them, and examined them. Rafel noticed that one was written in the common language of the Empire, and one in a language he found unrecognizable, most likely Anaglean. “This one must be for you, though I cannot read it to be sure,” Analis said, handing the first letter back to Rafel.

He took it and began to read.
To my faithful student, Rafel,

I fathom that there are only two reasons as to why you are reading this letter. I hope that your reason for doing so is the first and significantly more desirable one – that you have just met my daughter, Analis. And yes, I can say with certainty that she is indeed my daughter. I only wish I could have seen your face when she told you who she is.
Rafel nearly laughed at reading this. Typical Gerk. He read on.
If it is the second reason, then I apologize, but I have no further wisdom for you here. I am truly sorry for the state of affairs I have left for you to sort through, and I do hope that everything works out in the end. I suppose, if you want, you can use the information I’ve included here to track down my daughter, if you think it would help, but I would advise against it. If she has not chosen to leave her home on her own, then I cannot see a happy ending result from her being forced to take my place. I write this letter under the assumption of the first reason, and I suggest that, if you are not reading it for the same reason, then you simply destroy it.

The first thing you probably wondered was how I knew. You know me better than anyone; you know I still had a limited magical ability, enough for parlor tricks, while the whole world thought I was rendered inept after moving Anebati. Enough magical ability that, if I would store it day after day, eventually I could cast a spell of scrying every two to three months. And yet, you wonder how I could scry Anaglea when I had never been able to in the past while searching for it. It is true; the island is trapped between the material and astral planes, unreachable through normal means from our world. But, in the past, I never had a link to the island. I never had the quantity of Anafanredu that I do now. And, most importantly, I never had a surface made out of the stones upon which to cast the spell. Yes, the mirror. The material still seems to have a link to its origin, which allows a spell of scrying cast upon it to reach back to Anaglea, and it is through this means that I was able to watch my people through the years, and see my daughter grow.

I imagine your next question is along the lines of ‘why did I not tell anybody?’ The answer is simple enough. I could not be sure Analis would choose to leave the island to find me. I did not want to instill false hope that my line would continue after my death. I write this letter knowing that I only have a few years left of my life, and Analis has yet to show the spark of adventure, though I expect it is only a matter of time. I cannot be sure I will be around when she finally makes her way to Gralus, if she does. So if it should come to the point at which you are reading this, know that I entrust her care to you. I have watched her grow; she is a kind and gentle soul, and she will certainly be a good influence on you, as you will be on her.
Rafel chose this moment to look back up at Analis. There were tears in her eyes as she read in silence, but she was smiling, and looked as if she was, perhaps, even blushing slightly. Rafel’s respect of personal boundaries outweighed his curiosity and he read on.
She is the reason I never stopped you from halting your aging. It has not seemed to have any ill effects on you, and I wish you to keep your youth in order to care for her. But I ask you; do not tell her your secret. Let her work it out on her own, or else never know. She must be guided by curiosity and logic, not temptation.

I assume you have noticed her untrained magical ability. Teach her the magical arts; she will find them useful, and her ability will be further proof of her suitability to rule. For she is now the heir to the throne of Toketi, and I expect her to take up the position, but with great humility. And I expect you to teach her of this new world and help her to make the decisions that are right for the people, though she should not need your guidance for long. Though she is timid, she is also strong, and will want to tend to matters on her own. Watch over her, as a father would, and keep her safe. Furthermore, use the mirror to keep watch over my people as I have done these past years, and make sure no ill fate befalls them.

I have prepared and enclosed with this letter all of the legal documents you should need to provide proof that Analis is my heir, as well as a formal dispensation of her inheritance. I am leaving to her my entire estate, save those parts which I have already directed to be used for various other matters. You will, in my absence, present her with my sword as a rite of passage, as is Anaglean custom. I suspect she will also feel most at home with the People of the Jookoo, as I did, and they should accept her as a new leader. It would be most wise to wait a short time before revealing her identity to the world, until she knows more, but it would also be unwise to allow Toketi to linger too long without a ruler. Not being able to see into the future (though I hear there are many rumors to the extent that I can), I cannot say what the best time for this would be, but I expect you to make the right decision.

And so I leave you with my best wishes and my blessing. I will miss you, my friend.
The bottom of the letter was scrawled with Gerk’s signature, the very end of which was blurred, as if it had been touched by water before the ink was dry. A tear, perhaps?

It was at this point that Rafel realized he himself was crying, and he folded the letter, quietly excused himself, and went to find another handkerchief to dry his own eyes. Analis’s letter was apparently far longer than his, so when he returned and she was still reading, he sat in silence, reviewing the paperwork that was with the letter. Finally Analis finished and looked up, folding her letter back together.

“He really is gone, then,” was the first thing she could say.

“I’m sorry your trip here did not end up as you’d hoped,” Rafel replied.

There was silence for a few moments.

“I assume Gerk told you in his letter that he expects you to take the throne?” Rafel said, quietly, unsure whether it was a good time to touch the subject, but knowing that sooner would be better than later.

“He did. But… I would rather not think about that tonight, if that is alright. I am so tired; all I want is a place to sleep for the night.”

“Oh, of course, you can stay here for now. Or for as long as you want, I suppose. You’re welcome to take Gerk’s room, or we – I – always have a guest room prepared.”

“The guest room will be fine.”

Rafel could understand why she would not want to sleep in her father’s room, and he led Analis up the stairs to the guest room. He made sure she had everything she would need for the night, and then retired to his own room down the hall. It was late, perhaps ten o’clock, but as he lay in bed, he could not get to sleep. His mind just would not let him. Far too many things happened tonight for his brain to process. Unexpected things. And so he lay in bed for what he thought must have been at least three hours before exhaustion finally took over.
BAM. NOBODY EXPECTED THAT. :inquisition:
Ok, fine, Liam and Nargoth knew (I had to tell them for planning purposes) and Bayen guessed it off of Gerk's final words. But who's counting?

If you want to, you can check out her wiki page, but there's not a whole lot of extra information there.

I will be continuing this, naturally, but I don't terribly mind if you post responses (to the writing, of course, refrain from responding in character as this is a quote/unquote 'story') in this topic. Just refrain from degrading into pointless blather, if you would.
Last edited by Gerk on Tue Feb 14, 2012 7:00 am, edited 1 time in total.
"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."
~Sherlock Holmes

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Re: Analis

Post by Gerk »

I suppose I'll post these as close to real time as I can manage. This being the events of the next morning, I'll give it to you the day after the previous segment. The next one probably won't be for a few days, though.
Rafel woke to the smell of food. Sausage. And eggs. Was last night a dream? It must have been a dream. It was far too outrageous to not have been a dream. But somebody was cooking sausage and eggs downstairs. He looked at the clock. It was already ten. That’s right; he couldn’t get to sleep last night. But, no, that was part of the dream, wasn’t it? Then the gears clicked together. There was somebody downstairs cooking sausage and eggs, and, regardless of what happened last night, he should go find out who. And boy, was he hungry, too.

Rafel climbed out of bed and pulled on a robe to chase away the chill. Then he descended the stairs and entered the kitchen to find the young woman with the stunning blue eyes from his dream (which he began to suspect was not, in fact, a dream) wearing a blue robe that Rafel did not recognize (but she hadn’t had any bags with her last night?) standing over the fireplace with a large iron skillet. Then Rafel was suddenly very aware that he was not wearing much of anything under his robe. In response to this realization, he moved to the small table and sat down, as if it would provide an extra barrier against his self-consciousness.

“Good morning,” Analis said, cheerfully, turning around.

“So it wasn’t a dream after all?” Rafel mused.

“I am afraid not,” Analis replied with a wry smile. “I hope you do not mind,” she continued, motioning toward the skillet in her hand, “if you are going to give me a place to stay for the time being, I figured it would be the least I could do to make breakfast.”

“Oh, not at all.”

There was silence but for the sizzling sound of food in the skillet.

“Where did you get that robe?” Rafel asked.

“Oh? It was lying on the end of my bed in place of my dress when I woke this morning. I thought maybe you had put it there, but you were still asleep. The fabric is similar to my dress, though. How could that be?”

Rafel needed only momentary consideration before answering, “Accidental magic. You needed a robe for the morning, and you made one with what was available. It’s a simple transfiguration, really.”

Analis had no idea what the word ‘transfiguration’ meant, but she decided not to pursue it, in favor of the thought process that went ‘I can do magic?’ She voiced this thought while cooking.

“Oh, yes,” Rafel replied. “All Anagleans have magical ability, it’s only natural for people who originate halfway on the astral plane. From what Gerk told me, it doesn’t manifest all that much until they leave the island, something to do with astral interference. Surely you’ve known people on your island who can do small tricks, like igniting a flame, or creating a light?”

Again, there were technical words that Analis did not understand, but she could grasp the basic meaning of his explanation. “Oh, of course, but almost anybody can do that. We do not consider it to be magical, rather we think it only natural. But there has not been anyone since the time of Elbana who could achieve more than that. Yet you say turning a dress into a robe is simple?”

“For mages of our world, yes. Yet there are significantly fewer here who can harness the ability to use magic, and usually only with thorough instruction. You are naturally gifted and you will learn quickly, however.”

“And you will teach me?” Analis looked over her shoulder at Rafel.

“If that is your wish. Or I could hire a different tutor.”

“I will learn from you, at least at first. I can then judge whether you are a fitting tutor.”

Just as Rafel’s stomach grumbled for the first time, Analis took the two plates she had left on the counter and brought them to the table with the skillet, scraping out portions of sausages and eggs onto either one, then returned the skillet beside the fireplace before sitting down to eat.

Rafel said nothing for a few minutes while he ate, but soon noticed that Analis was eating even more slowly than he had observed most females to do. “Are you alright?” he asked, breaking the silence.

“Oh, yes,” she replied, looking up. “I—”

“Listen. I know last night was a lot to take in, and if you don’t want to take the throne, know that I’m not going to force you.”

“Oh, no, that is not it. I want to follow in my father’s footsteps. But it is a lot to think about. What is the word… overwhelming.”

“Well, then, why don’t we take it in little steps.” Rafel smiled. “Perhaps the most immediate task would be to teach you how to read.” He waved his hand and a newspaper appeared in it. “And we can kill two birds with one stone by catching up on current events at the same time. This is a newspaper; it’s a compilation of articles and opinions about recent events. This one covers national and international events, though there are many different newspapers that report on a more local level. Since you can already speak the language, it should not be difficult for you to learn to read and write. It’s just a matter of matching letters to sounds.”

And so the pair spent a few hours over the newspaper, followed by a brief history and cultural lesson. Rafel would have to teach her quickly; the throne could not remain empty for much longer. He decided that, Analis willing, her presence would be revealed in three days’ time.
When I started writing fiction, back in high school, I was under the impression (dunno from what or where, exactly) that it was somehow 'wrong' or 'cheating' to write fiction about things that you've experienced in real life. So when I created the character of Gerk, he became a sort of ideal that didn't really represent me as a person, rather what I thought a hero should be like. But I quickly got bored of that and he slowly became more human, but he couldn't change too far from what he was when I created him. Over the years, I've realized that my best writing and storytelling comes from personal thoughts and experiences, and I should tap more into that when developing characters and writing dialogue. So now both Rafel and Analis have taken on quite a lot of my own traits, although from separate halves of my personality, perhaps, with Rafel being the inner adult, and Analis being the inner child. And I've discovered how much easier it is to understand what the characters might say and how they might act when they're formed of my own experiences. It makes for much more enjoyable writing, and, I hope, more enjoyable reading.
"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."
~Sherlock Holmes

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Re: Analis

Post by Gerk »

Got a somewhat short installment today. I don't know about you, but I get bored just watching press conferences, so I couldn't imagine what reading about one must be like. I've spared you all the pain.
The press conference had gone about as well as Rafel could have hoped. The legal documents Gerk had prepared had been made public, and they were proof enough for most. There were still skeptics, of course, and he would have to bring Analis to the next one (he shuddered at the thought of all the preparations that they would have to make for that), but the general reaction from the public seemed to be one of excitement at having a descendant of Gerk’s take the throne. He would schedule the coronation for within the month. Analis would have a good grasp of the language by then.

That wasn’t to say there weren’t major worries among the reporters he spoke to. The chief among them being the fact that Analis knew very little about Toketi and its people, and she therefore shouldn’t have much reason to care enough to make a good queen. It was a valid concern, but Rafel had countered by explaining that if Analis didn’t care about following in her father’s footsteps, then she wouldn’t have left Anaglea in the first place.

Rafel returned home to find Analis in the sitting room strumming her lute. Apparently, she used to play music all the time back home in Anaglea, but hadn’t brought any of her instruments with her on the boat. She woke up two mornings previous to find that the bedside table had been transfigured into a lute during the night. Teaching her how to control her magic was near the top of Rafel’s priorities. He didn’t fancy the thought of waking up sometime in the near future to find he’d been turned into a pony or something.

“I thought I told you to read the paper this morning. You need the practice.”

“I did. There’s a warlord in Doshtan Yokutar causing traffic problems on the Tokian Freeway, VBNC is celebrating the grand opening of its five-thousandth All-Mart, and the Momouchi Tower is finally leasing out residential space.” She wore a smug grin on her face, and didn’t stop playing. “And you should smile more when you’re on camera.”

Rafel sighed. She might be in her twenties, but she still acted like a child sometimes. No, that wasn’t fair – Rafel thought everyone acted like a child sometimes. He’d advised her not to watch the press conference, thinking it might intimidate her, but perhaps it was better that she had, so she’d know what she would be facing. He was honestly surprised at how fast her reading proficiency had progressed, though. And apparently she was comfortable with contractions now, too.

Analis strummed a final chord, and set the lute down. “Is that what I’m going to have to do?” Her face was serious now.

Rafel sat in the armchair opposite her. “Yes. They’ll grill you at least as hard as they did me today. While it might be a good thing you don’t know enough that I have to educate you in the art of circumnavigation, we still need to make sure you know enough history and culture to not look like a fool. You may be able to read faster than I’d expected, but it’s not fast enough to learn all that in such a short time. I’ll have to teach you.”

Analis nodded. “Does that mean my magic lessons will have to wait?”

Rafel frowned. He hadn’t really thought too much about all the time management. On one hand, the history lessons were probably more important short-term, but he wasn’t sure what might happen if Analis was put under the intense media spotlight while still lacking control over her magical ability. That might not produce pleasant results. He would have to, at the very least, teach her the basics of control and usage. “No, I’ll teach you a few things about magic. It’ll help reduce the monotony of the other lessons, anyway.”

Analis’s bright blue eyes lit up in anticipation. “What are we going to start with?”

Rafel thought for a second before answering, “Politics. I assume you’ve been taught about basic political systems, as Gerk was when he lived in Anaglea, but you need a detailed understanding of the politics of Toketi and Gralus.”

Analis looked disappointed. “Then can we have a magic lesson?” The intonation reminded Rafel of a six-year-old, and a sigh came almost automatically as he rolled his eyes. “Sure. But only if you pay attention.” Then he slapped himself mentally and reminded him that just because Analis might act like a child sometimes did not mean he should treat her like one.

Analis didn’t seem to take offense at Rafel’s tone, and eagerly followed him to the respectably-sized library that he and Gerk had accumulated over the years.

After two hours of study, Rafel made a mental note that Analis actually learned rather well when there was a good incentive. He would have to utilize this in the coming days.
I do hope you're enjoying reading this. As I said, feedback is welcome in the topic. Next installment within the week, probably.
"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."
~Sherlock Holmes

The character of Gerk ronAnaglea is dead.
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Re: Analis

Post by Gerk »

Just a note on formatting:
* * * * * indicates a time/place skip. In this instance, it's more the time that's skipping (on the order of magnitude of at least a few days) than the place. You'll see this in later segments, as well.
... indicates a mental pause, not a setting change.
Although she was no expert (at least not yet) in Tokish culture, with Rafel there to cover for her, Analis performed rather satisfactorily at her press conference. The date for the coronation had been set, but it was a few weeks away, which left some time to relax for now in between the continued studies. Meaning more time to teach things of long-term importance, such as magic.

“The key to all successful magic use is control. You can’t learn control without knowing and understanding your mind and body. The best way to learn this is meditation.”

“Not to be rude or anything, but why can’t we start out with something more fun like a simple spell or two?”

“There are those who teach magic that way. Mostly tutors for hire, only really in it for the money. It’s not an ineffective way to teach magic, but it can sometimes set the student back when he tries to learn more advanced techniques. Trust me; regardless of the style you use, if you want to learn to be a powerful mage, then you need to understand how magic works through you, not just how you work magic. Just close your eyes and concentrate; try to feel your magical energy. It may seem hard at first, but you’ll get the hang of it. Try pushing it around in your body, into your stomach, out to your fingertips, down to your feet. Get to know how that feels. I’m going to attempt to teach you physical magic, or Pari, even though it is a difficult style to learn, because it will be the easiest for me to teach. Manipulating your energy throughout your body is an important aspect of Pari.”

* * * * *

Analis sighed in frustration. “I don’t get it. Why can’t I just learn word magic? It’s good enough for most of the mages in Gralus.”

“I’ve already told you. Word magic may be easy to learn, but it’s very restrictive at higher levels. There are only so many words that cause magical effects. It’s not like you can speak gibberish and expect results.”

“But I can’t do this. I just don’t understand how the motions fit with the magic.”

As much as Rafel didn’t like to give up, Analis was right. She had understood and even done fairly well at the basics of Pari, but basics were basics. She didn’t have the knack for the more advanced techniques. Rafel couldn’t really blame her; Pari was difficult to learn, and most people just couldn’t do it. But he wouldn’t turn to word magic; there had to be a better alternative, but it might take a considerable amount of time to find a style that worked for her, and when he did, he couldn’t guarantee he’d be able to teach it well.

“Alright, that’s enough for now,” Rafel said. “Go get some rest, and then read up on the War of Hamuji. I need some time to think; I’ll be back to quiz you in two hours.”

Analis nodded, wiping the sweat from her brow. They walked back inside together, but then parted ways – Analis heading to the library, and Rafel to the anafanredu vault. It was time for his weekly meditation.

Rafel had been keeping himself from aging now for about twenty-five years. He ought to be well into his fifties, but he didn’t look it. There were plenty of rumors, of course, but it wasn’t terribly unheard of for powerful magic users to live prolonged lives, so there wasn’t a large amount of public scrutiny.

Although he spent his time in this room meditating, his mind would frequently wander, usually to little ill effect upon his actual goal. Today he was thinking about Analis’s magic training. The revelations of the day would most likely set them back weeks. Not to mention he’d probably have to search for a reliable tutor now. He wouldn’t settle for anything less than the best. Analis probably had no idea how much effort he was putting in to all this. She probably wasn’t even doing that reading he told her to. She was probably upstairs strumming away at that lute of hers.



How had he not seen it before? The answer was so obvious! She already had a gift for music; it wouldn’t be too difficult to teach her how to manipulate magic with it. And spellsinging was so similar to Pari that Rafel could teach her to a degree. The rest she could probably develop on her own. He didn’t have much musical talent, so it might be worthwhile to hire a music teacher, but that would be significantly less difficult than finding a magic tutor. It was a perfect idea.
"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."
~Sherlock Holmes

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Re: Analis

Post by Gerk »

I know, it's been a while since the last update. I was hoping to have the coronation finished by the time I posted this segment, so I could go right into that within the next few days. Corey seems to have a much busier schedule than I do, however, but it is nearly done. But I haven't just been sitting around doing nothing for the past two weeks - I've done quite a lot of continuation on later segments in the meantime. Which means that, once the coronation is finished, I will most likely be able to post the rest of this story shortly thereafter.

Anyway, this is a bit of a prequel segment to the coronation, the second part of which was written by Corey, not me.
“Analis? It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

Liam II greeted Analis at the door of her home in Anebati. He had come by invitation of Rafel, and wasn’t entirely sure what the meeting was about.

“Rafel is in the sitting room; follow me.” Analis led Liam to where Rafel waited, and offered him a chair, then seated herself.

Rafel stood to greet his guest. “Liam, nice to see you again, under less unhappy circumstances.” He held out his hand.

“Indeed,” Liam replied, taking Rafel’s hand.

When they had both sat, Rafel began, “I suspect you have an idea as to why I’ve invited you here. Why don’t I get right to the point? As you know, it is the duty of either the Royal Chancellor or the passing monarch to crown the new king or queen. Now, I have spoken to the Royal Chancellor, and he is more than willing to perform the ceremony for Analis, as per custom. But I think that, perhaps, something more personal might be warranted for the occasion.”

Rafel’s meaningful gaze spoke for itself. “You want me to do it?” Liam responded, in only half-question.

Analis spoke now. “I would be very honored if you would. And I am certain that the Tokish people would be thrilled to have a descendant of the conDoin bloodline perform the ceremony.”

Liam didn’t need much time to think it over. “It would be my pleasure,” he replied to Analis, then gave a nod to Rafel. “I will take care of the preparations. We will need to meet in order to rehearse the ceremony, particularly the Tokish.”

“That can easily be arranged,” Rafel said.

“There’s something else I’d like to discuss,” Analis said. “Rafel found something recently while looking through one of the royal vaults, and it gave me an idea…”

* * * * *

“This is all you have on the ceremony?” Liam looked over the rim of his glasses reading an old text, one of a few on the table he commandeered at the Royal Library.

“This is all we have at the moment, yes,” the library assistant replied.

Rafel had given Liam free use of the library to prepare the coronation ceremony. Liam knew the traditional ceremony by heart, of course, but it was so antiquated that few native speakers of Tokish understood most of it, and most knew a couple words but nothing else. He also deemed it too simple. There were a few records of the first ceremony for Liam I, and one known scroll detailing a ceremony from the Dark North Empire before the Rielrar Rebellion which founded modern Toketi, both of which were more elaborate and formal.

Unfortunately, both were written in the same Old Tokish as the current ceremony, making an accurate translation difficult.

“Will you be needing anything else, sir?”

“No, that will be all for now, thank you.” Liam returned to studying the books gathered before him.

He had read parts of a couple in the past. His sole previous visit to the Royal Library had been 2-days limited access for some research for his masters thesis while he was studying at Huyenkula University. But even a bachelors in linguistics and masters in Apollonian history with a focus on Toketan history later, the books were still rather cryptic.

A couple hours later, Liam was massaging his temples, trying to stay focused on the task at hand. He had nearly pieced together a new ceremony from ancient coronations updated with modern Tokish, but some details were still missing.

“Sir, if I might have a moment with you?” Liam looked up, then nodded to the Head Librarian. “I may have some resources that would be useful.”

“I’m not sure if anything else exists. If it does, it’s in no library I’ve ever been to.”

“It is not. Actually, I really oughtn’t be speaking to you of it, but I believe the situation justifies it. Please, follow me.” The librarian motioned to follow as he walked toward one of the older sections of the room. Liam groaned as he stood, then jogged a bit to catch up.

When they were beyond earshot of anyone else, the librarian continued quietly, “There is a level of magic reserved to librarians, which allows us to quickly access any library without having to traverse long distances. We call it L-Space.” They came to a bookcase filled with old scrolls written in long-dead languages. “Put your hand on my shoulder, please.”

Liam did so, and they began to walk forward, seeming to phase through the bookcase. They emerged in a dark, damp cave. It took them both a couple minutes to adapt to the limited light.

Liam loosened his collar for comfort, then took a look around. The first book he looked upon caught his full attention immediately, not for the title, but the fact that it was written in runic Tokish. “I’ve never seen anything like this! All the runic I’ve studied have been bits and pieces of graffiti in old ruins. This text alone would be worth millions to any museum or library. What is this place?”

“This is the ancient Archive at Störyash. You may have read of this place in some of the legends surrounding your ancestors.”

“The Expedition to the Archives, yes, I read it while in University. I didn’t think this place actually existed, and if it did, I didn’t think it survived.”

“This place has been preserved by a chosen few magicians from Störyash and Skoitomashu since the foundation of Toketi, beginning around 2520ASC.”

“Incredible.” Liam continued to flip through the volume he picked up first, which he identified as the biography of a lesser noble from somewhere in Ëstshon Paran, a place called Gerfolet. He hadn’t the slightest clue if such a place still existed, and he didn’t particularly care, he was more intrigued by the runes.

“I believe I have something of interest here, sir.” Liam reluctently set down the first book and investigated the tome the older man had pulled from another shelf.

He read the title, which was also in runic Tokish; The Guide to King Lyam’s Coronation, the Preparations for History, by Chancellor Ert yeshKonter. His jaw dropped. “If I can translate this...holy shit...the details in this text are immeasurably valuable...” He flipped through some pages, “This is beyond archaic, but I think I can manage to glean enough information from this to perfect my coronation plans.”

“I thought, if anyone could make use of this, it would be you. However, I must forbid you from removing this text from this room. It is far too valuable to risk displacing it.”

“So then I must remain here to study it?” The swnndyrrr furrowed his brow in annoyance. This place was exceedingly uncomfortable, and translating the text in the book would take hours. “Blast, find me a table and chair and bring me the best book on runic Tokish you can find. I might be here a while.”

“I will send for something comfortable, and perhaps some refreshments, and I will assist you as best I can.”

“Excellent, let’s get started then.” Liam buried his nose in the book, sneezed from the dust, then reburied his nose to examine further.
Oh, I should also mention that now that Analis has made a public appearance, feel free to throw her an IC visit if you want to. But you'll all get a chance for a meet-and-greet at the coronation anyway.
"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."
~Sherlock Holmes

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Re: Analis

Post by Gerk »

I must be doing something right, because it's nearly been a month of no updates, and yet the view count on this story has climbed higher than any of the others in this forum. I'm just going to pretend that the reason for that is because you all like my story so much you're reading it again and again, and it's not just random bots and stuff.

Anyway, the next installment, the coronation, can be found here. It's separated in order to provide a fresh topic for IC replies in the reception, but it still has a lot of continuity to this overall story. Which, by the way, is now finished, and after I give it one last once-over for errors, I will publish later tonight.
"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."
~Sherlock Holmes

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Re: Analis

Post by Gerk »

The entire story, for your reading ease, has been compiled into a nifty google doc. It can be found here. In case you're continuing from the last segment I posted, the coronation is almost exactly halfway down, so you can just scroll and pick up where you left off.

Remember that trial I wrote about six months or so ago? Remember how long that ended up being? Well, this is 20% longer. 18,000 words. No, I don't know how that happened either. But I have to say, I am really very pleased with the way it's turned out, and I think it's some of my best work, and I'm not sure I'll ever be able to top it, at least not within the confines of this hobby.

The downside to having it all compiled in one document is that I can't post little notes with each segment like I've been doing, but there's still a lot of things I want to address, so directly below, you'll find a list of author's notes. WARNING: AUTHOR'S NOTES CONTAIN SPOILERS. DO NOT READ AUTHOR'S NOTES UNTIL YOU'VE FINISHED THE STORY, UNLESS YOU WANT TO SPOIL YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THE METICULOUS AMOUNTS OF DRAMATIC IRONY WITHIN.

First and foremost, a note on timelines, for the reference of upcoming events: I intend most of this story to take place within a matter of three or four months, so for the sake of continuity, remember that when we start our next group writing project. The finale, and the segment before it, I have left purposely ambiguous with respect to time, because, first off, it doesn't really matter much when they take place, and second, it would probably make more sense for them to happen post-upcoming crisis thing. But, as the conclusion of the story, I had to include them here, or else it wouldn't come to a logical end.
SPOILERS BEGIN HERE.
  • This story contained a lot of firsts for me. First time I've ever done concept art to accompany written work. First time I've purposely broken the fourth wall (kudos if you were able to catch that the first time through, it is sorta subtle). First time I've ever used innuendo (I didn't really set out with the intention of doing so, but there were moments when it occurred to me as being natural, and I hope I've conveyed that well). And, most importantly, first time writing a romance story. I knew that's what it was going to end up as when I started it, but I don't think it really occurred to me what that meant until I got through the coronation, and I realized, "Crap, I've never written anything like this before, I need to make sure this turns out well, qualitatively." Because, in my opinion, there are few greater sins a writer can commit than making his audience suffer through a cheesy romance story. So, when I was writing, I kept the following note at the bottom of the page, where I would constantly see it: "NO CHEESY. CHEESY BAD." And it was helpful, I think. But then I started to realize that, even in the best case scenario, there has to be some cheesiness, otherwise the story comes off as stiff, unemotional, and unrealistic. So I kept the note there, but I tried to strike that balance between a bit of cheesy and natural, sensible dialogue and action. I guess it helped a bit that I've gained more romantic experience as of late. But, all in all, I think it turned out well.
  • You may have noticed a bit of stylistic change after the coronation. This was not intended, but I chose not to mess with it, because I like the way it turned out. This happened because I wrote a few of those sections immediately after reading The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and I think Douglas Adams's semi-broken, bouncy style sorta rubbed off a bit. But, as I said, I like it, and I think it works well. It certainly helps enhance some of the scenes, I think.
  • I got through a few sections after the coronation and I suddenly realized that I was quite unfortunately restricting myself to a rather limited setting. The segment that takes place in the streets of Anebati was my response to this. I hadn't originally planned on setting it there, but I think it's a much needed breath of fresh air from the confines of the house. And, surprisingly, it added a bit more dynamic to that scene than would have otherwise been there. This is something I still need to work on, though, because I notice that a lot of my stories tend to get trapped in specific settings, and that's really not a good thing.
  • This is a story about Analis, but, at the same time, we don't get a lot of information from her point of view. And I realized this about halfway through, but I decided there wasn't much I could do about it, because, for obvious reasons, if I let the reader inside her head prematurely, it spoils the buildup of tension. I hope that the snippets I was able to provide do well to outline her character, because that was the main point of this whole piece.
  • I believe I said about everything I needed to say about my decision to keep Gerk alive within the story. I have very few, if any OOC reasons for this decision. It came about moreso by thinking about the character and his motivations. I feel as if it was a decision that he would make naturally, and I hope that comes across well enough.
  • This story contains my favorite line that I have ever written; "Move over," which Gerk says as he's entering Rafel's mind. It came to me quite suddenly as I was working on that section, and I'm not quite sure why I find it so amusing, but I do.
  • I've been keeping a lot of secrets for a long time with regards to these characters, but I'm pretty sure I don't have any left. And I don't think I'm ever going to plan something this complicated ever again. Seriously, as much as I enjoyed writing this, it was a pain to lay out so many things in advance to lead to this story, especially when it's taken me so long to bring everything to a conclusion, and I'm referencing things I wrote two years ago.
  • That being said, one of the things I love to do in my stories is foreshadowing and forwards-referencing. And having had all these things planned for so long gave me tons of opportunities to do that. Even just within this story, I was able to do this with Rafel's mental state. If you read back through after finding out about the minor things that are affecting his mind, you'll find that there are a few references to them hidden around, things that you might not pick up on until you find out the whole story.
  • The bit about Rafel's name was entirely unplanned, and came about after I'd nearly finished writing when Corey mentioned those Tokish naming traditions. And I realized that they fit so well with the backstory I'd already given him that I had to include that.
  • The proposal was also a sort of afterthought; I'd already finished the wedding when I realized that I hadn't done a scene with a proposal, but then I realized that, given the characters, it wouldn't be anything too remarkable. But that didn't stop me from doing it, once I came up with the idea. And I think it's a fun little stylistic break. I like to use that sort of style from time to time, and I think it contrasts well with the surrounding sections.
  • The finale was perhaps the hardest thing I've ever tried to write. Until I realized (with some help) that I was going about it all wrong. I was trying to make it too formal, and that doesn't fit whatsoever with the rest of the piece, and it's just not my style of storytelling. So I thought about what I could do, and I realized that a wedding is a wedding is a wedding. Weddings aren't much different from each other when you view them from afar. But it's the little things, the changes in tradition that make wedding unique. So I tried to highlight that a bit. And in doing research about wedding traditions (I've only ever been to two weddings, and the last one was at least ten years ago, so I was way out of my element), I found a lot of interesting information. Credit where credit is due, though, the 'kiss the groom' idea came from my aunt and uncle's wedding years back, and it's about the only thing I still remember about it. I thought it rather fitting for this context.
I think that's all I've got to say. I hope you enjoy it, I certainly enjoyed writing it. Feel free to give whatever criticism or praise you want now in this topic. And I welcome criticism. I'm not opposed to going back later and fixing things. In fact, I think my next project might be to revisit the trial story and fix some of the errors I made due to my admitted lack of legal knowledge. But, I dunno, I think I need a bit of a break from writing. And school has gotten quite busy, too.
"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."
~Sherlock Holmes

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Re: Analis

Post by ari »

* reads *

Well, sir, you write fiction a lot better than you blog. You've got the fundamentals down just about as well as you ever could unless you go professional and spend eight hours a day writing or something, and you made the characters feel familiar and likeable. There's just one big problem: Lack of conflict. I'm not saying every story needs to have a character want to kill or even hurt another character, but it does kind of get old when no-one ever intentionally does anything bad to another character. Well, there was the squirrel, and in fact I liked that bit a lot - what better plot than to force a powerful man not to notice something small and subtle? But then even that turned out to be done with no malice. Overall, there just was no high concept (*), or a lot of characters facing unpleasant surprises or roadblocks, or anything. Your writing was good enough that I was constantly hoping something would go horribly wrong, but really, the only things that did go wrong were pretty inconsequential.

(Also, yeah, loved that the guy's mind was getting fucked with by several characters, and I can see you put a good amount of thought into how that worked.)

If you want to top this story, here's a suggestion for the next one: Have a man with a gun come through the door. Or, this being Gralus, phase through the wall or something. I haven't read the trial story so I don't know if there's more interesting conflict in that one... should I give it a try?

(*) Not that you can make a good story by just leaning on a weird concept, but I do lean on weird concepts for my stories a lot, so of course I want to defend their use :p
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Re: Analis

Post by Gerk »

That's another thing I realized halfway through the story, actually, that there's a lack of conflict. But, at the same time, the point of the story wasn't to have conflict, it was character exposition. It turned into a much longer piece than I thought it would, so I didn't have any major conflict planned, and by the time I realized it was lacking, I wasn't sure how to really add any in. I agree that some conflict may have made it more enjoyable, but I was afraid that including major conflict would take away from the point of the story.

The trial is about as action-dense as this one (which is to say, not very), but I think it does have more conflict, because of the dynamic of the lawyers arguing against each other. I can't shake the feeling that the ending of it is slightly disappointing in its lack of conflict, though, but I had to stick to the results of the plot. There is a lot less characterization in it, though, but if you can forgive my occasional legal-related blunder, you'd probably enjoy it.
"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."
~Sherlock Holmes

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