A Theological Question

[Lord Erion]

Your Holiness,

As you may be aware, some of your Calves may decline to consume certain provisions that may be derived from the mortal creatures which are born in the image of His Most Divine Butteriness.

However, on those rare occasions of Divinity when those Most Holy Gifts are generously offered to those Calves from the Butter Spirit Himself, how should those Gifts be received?

[Neoptolemus]

Thank you for the question Lord Chancellor.

A calf may decline the holy butter host for several reasons, the most common and unavoidable is lactose intolerance. Vegetarianism/veganism is also not mentioned in the holy books, as the Butter Cow exhibits self-cannibalism and indeed offers his own flesh to the disciples as dipping sauce. However, the law of St. Taznim commands us to respect thy neighbor's customs. Margarine is not an option for substitution as it associated with the false god, the Margarine Cow, harbinger of destruction and the end-times.

Depending on the degree of a Bovic's lactose intolerance, one may eat as small amount as possible or take medical precautions to avoid harm. If this is not possible, or if the Bovic is vegan/vegetarian, then it will be up to the local Bosarch to find an acceptable substitute. Butter is both a cooking aid and stand-alone spread, so depending on the locality, the Bosarch may choose to substitute a spoonful of butter with a spoonful of olive or vegetable oil or the Bosarch may choose another spread-type food like jam, jelly, or even hummus.

[Lord Erion]

Your Holiness,

I thank you for your spread of Bovic wisdom and shall endeavour to ensure that it is appropriately and liberally applied.