[St Elijah's Basilica] Thus saith the Butter Cow

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Nathaniel
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[St Elijah's Basilica] Thus saith the Butter Cow

Post by Nathaniel »

It had been a long week. Nathaniel was tired. Lately he had been feeling very weird, as if the butter of which he consisted of was about to disintegrate. It was an uncomfortable feeling, but as the work-aholic that he was, Nathaniel tried to ignore it and get on with his work.

He had been in Eliria, masquerading about, meeting old friends from school, going on his cousin's ball, having a private dinner with the two twin cousins, attended some Ayreonist meetings in Eliria, doing his best to avoid his ex wife, but failed that. He had also been to Zy-Rodun to oversee matters there. He knew he had to ban the serfdom there, it was after all akin to slavery, but he had no time to really find a solution to it all... He had been to Shirekeep, made sure the arrangements for the agreement between the Emirate and the Kaisership were in order, and so on and on. Immediately as he returned to Natopia, there were sessions with the Court. He was charged to publish the judgment...

All he wanted to do was to rest. But he had to attend a a service at Saint Elijah's Basilica in Sankt Bartholomä, where a good friend of Nathaniel's, Michael Meyerkopf, was getting installed the basilica. Although he did cherish his friendship with Meyerkopf, all Nathaniel wanted was to spend time with the four little kids of his.

At least they were with him. As annoying they were, being toddlers, with tantrums being thrown around, Nathaniel felt at peace. They were his children, the only genetic relation he knew of on this planet. The only ones he had ever known. His blood, his flesh...

The church bells starting ringing, and Nathaniel felt a terrible headache. He rushed to the aisle of the church, he wanted to get out of the church, and just escape the unbearable pain. But once the bells stopped ringing, and the procession was about to enter, Nathaniel felt dizzy, collapsed on the floor.

Meyerkopf and the choirboys ran to Nathaniel to see what was wrong, but Nathaniel immediately rose up, and said:
Thus saith the Butter Cow, through me, Nathaniel, his messenger. Listen carefully for I shall say this only once.

Fools! Darkness is upon this world. Wherever I go, I smell no holy butter. Margarine dost show itself everywhere. While the Vanics are everywhere, I see their love for their lowly gods held deeply in their breasts (and professed visibly!) but, alas, where do I see my calves? Do I see ye marching onwards, as to war? Are ye not fed the milk of my own sacred loin? Nay, march ye wherever ye may go, and spread my milk in every land, in every city, in every street. Let my milk flow all over this world. Churn ye diligently my milk, and make it butter.

(There is also the matter of wrongly churned butter. It hath been wrongly churned for quite a while, and this displeaseth the Buttery Quadrant muchly. A wrongly churned butter maketh butter smell ill and taste worse. Churn it rightly and diligently. The Bosarchs shall teach ye to churn my milk into butter in the way of righteousness. My lowly calf Nathaniel shalt be a sign unto ye. When he hath finished these words, I shall make him melt, and ye shall taste of the butter, for that is the taste the holy butter will be. Gather ye the butter, and eat it, feel ye the salty and creamy taste that butter shalt have, and take ye note of the right nuance of colour. Do this and ye shall know the secret churning recipe that maketh the butter taste as the Butter Quadrant itself.)

I now turn my attention to the Pentheros. He shalt sever the land of the resting place of Saint Elijah the Beloved from that of his Hegemony. The monks of Saint Elijah shall take on the government of Elijah’s rest, and they shall make his bed large and grand, his land shall go from sea to sea, and his sleep shall be undisturbed, so that many many people can share the bed with Elijah, and find peace and harmony there. Parents shall there find peace from the tantrums of toddlers, the whatevers of teenagers, and the poo, goo and pee of infants.The monks shall no longer be monks, but they shall, as all Bovics shall, march as to war, and spread my milk wherever they go. These monks are now Knights of the Holy Order of the Cult of Elijah. They shall be Order’s members, and each member shall be guided by and honour the holiest member, Elijah, and his cult. The Order, I order, shalt be an indisputable part of my Bovic Empire.

Acow. Now let the melting and tasting begin.
And with that, Nathaniel's body disintegrated.

Confused, the church goers stood still by their places, but the coirboys were already tasting the butter, scooping up chunks of it in their hands, devouring the butter with all their might.
Nathaniel
NATHANIEL ANDRE UTAS AYREON-KALIRION IBN AL-MAJEED BIN SATHRATI OF WAFFEL-PAINE
[spoiler]Emir of Sathrati
Imperial Prince of Shireroth
Prince of Natopia
Prince of Leng
Duke of Cheshunt
Duke of New Aquitane
Marquess of Zy-Rodun
Count of Anmutstadt
Count of Cape Farewell
Master of the Cathedral of Eternal Slumber
Bosarch of New Aquitane
Lord von Zauberförde
Lord der Stadt der Gestrandeten ...
Knight of the Holy Lakes
Scion of the King of Kings[/spoiler]

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Naian the Evergreen
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Re: [St Elijah's Basilica] Thus saith the Butter Cow

Post by Naian the Evergreen »

As soon as Naian heard of Nathaniel's melting, he made his way as quick as he could to St. Bartholomew. As he entered the basilica, the acting chaplain of the church greeted him.

"Your Majesty, my severe condolences. He spoke as if Bous were speaking through him, and then, just collapsed. Several members of the herd, including the choir boys, were then compelled to ingest his remains. I managed to save one stick's worth for interment," the chaplain handed over a tiny box of chilled butter.

Naian wiped a tear from his cheek, "Thank you, it it not often a man must say good bye to his brother twice. Truly, my brother Nathaniel lived the life laid out for him by our father, Nathan. Too many parallels. Excuse me."

Naian sat down on a pew and hung his head, he wept. He looked at the butter that was once Nathaniel, now resting on the pew next him.

"Your Majesty, we recorded what Nathaniel said before he melted, allow me to read the transcript," Naian nodded and listened carefully.

"A call to arms for the Bovic faithful. I have been negligent in my duties as a Bovic Emperor and the Metrobosarch of Yellow Island. That will change now, as a direct command from Bous on high, through His messenger Nathaniel. The Order of the Cult of Elijah will take on the crusade started by the Order of the Armored Goats when they founded Athlon. Athlon remains a fortress of the faith, but I see now that more is needed and the Cult of Elijah, hardened and yearning by their isolated time in the frigid Keltian arctic, will go forward to spread the word of Bous."

He looked down at the stick of butter, he closed his eyes, thought of a fond memory he had of Nathaniel, smiled, and took a huge bite out of the butter, letting it melt in his mouth, feeling the pure texture, the creaminess, and slight salt, before allowing himself to swallow. He opened his eyes.

"Oh, how we have been so wrong thus far."
Naian

Nathan

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Ivo Angus
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Re: [St Elijah's Basilica] Thus saith the Butter Cow

Post by Ivo Angus »

The Marquis flew to St Elijah's Basilica as soon as he heard of what had happened. As he went in, he saw the Emperor sitting there with his eyes were closed. He got closer slowly and calmly said "Your Majesty, my condolences. I know they all always say the same thing, but I mean it - Nathaniel really was an outstanding person and his served the Empire in the most outstanding ways."

He sat next to the Emperor, clearly uncomfortable. For all these years, Naian has maintained this figure of a strong and powerful ruler. BUT he is a person, Ivo reminded himself, a person who has just lost his brother. The Marquis could do little but to offer his calm quit compassion by just sharing this moment with him.

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