[Bagelcratican Sporadically] This Natopian Life #1

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A beautiful state along the eastern bank of Tapfer's great river.

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Christo Eucalyptos
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[Bagelcratican Sporadically] This Natopian Life #1

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For today, 11 Butterary 1668


By Christophos Eucalyptos, Special Contributor

ELHAM, KY -- East of the beautiful river town of Elham, north of Hoheit, and west of Frieden Mine is an area once known as Land's End, or the Heart of Klaasiya. Ninety-two years ago, a Klaassoft employee named Hukinnyon from Borders City was reported missing after he went on vacation in this empty interior. Since then the Tapfer Highway System was built through here and changed the landscape forever. Construction crews found a group of de-civilized descendants of the previous inhabitants of the area: the elion-Anth'elions, a small community of suspected cannibals. Anthropologists from the Ducal University-Frieden Mine have pieced together some elements of their culture but as the highways moved in, it further displaced these Ant'helions who eventually wandered closer and closer to Elham, where local authorities were forced to apprehend them and keep them in detention centers--their savage behavior and lack of complex language made it difficult to integrate them.

Missionaries from the Bovic Church took it upon themselves to teach the Ant'helions basic Natspeak, learn their culture, and eventually convinced them to 'convert' to Bovinism. The Bovic missionaries were able to re-frame the Ant'helions' lunar worship as the misguided worship of a convenient Bovic demon, T'son, and convinced them to take up the tradition of transubstantiation instead of actual cannibalism. Thus the Elions were able to preserve some of their violent culture, but wrapped it in enough mysticism and convenient religiosity that instead of expertly butchering living victims to appease Tarsica, they were now ritually consuming the flesh of a Bovic demon at the behest of the Butter Bull.

Still, despite this nominal integration into the Bovic religion, the Elions themselves found it difficult to integrate. Now that several generations have passed, the original stigma and fear surrounding the Elions has reduced, but the Elions are still marginalized. They keep to themselves, seldom marry outside of their community, and rarely partake in common elements of modern Natopian society. A few young Elions have broke from their families and live in Elham now, facing difficulties. One such man reports the hardships he faces on a daily basis, his name has been changed to protect his identity, for he fears his coworkers and neighbors would react poorly to learning his Ant'helion ancestry.

"It is very difficult," Mr X said, "Very basic things every day must be closely guarded. My family, still living way out in the country, has disowned me, not that I would ever go back anyway. And even though I am a Natopian citizen and legal Klaasiyan resident, I often tell people I am originally from somewhere else, so they don't ask about my history. I often just say I was born on the island of Leng when it was Natopian, if I say anything at all about my past, thus explaining my naturalized citizenship, and that way no one ever asks anything more. That makes it very hard to form friendships, aside from some coworkers and neighbors, my only other friends are other Elions who moved here, we look out for each other and keep our secrets safe. Elions are often over-represented in the media as criminals and vagrants. Many of my coworkers use Ant'helion slurs so casually I doubt they even know they are slurs. They are good people, and I'm fairly certain the slurs were learned from their grandparents who experienced the reports of my ancestors' cannibalism. What my grandparents did was wrong and abhorrent. I'm constantly struggling between yearning to tell people I am an Elion and I am not the flesh-eating boogeyman they perpetuate. But I've done nothing wrong in my whole life. I should not be afraid to tell the truth, but I do worry I would lose everything, all my friends, perhaps even my apartment, or my job."

There is a very small Elion Safety Awareness group operating in Elham, that mostly serves as a helping hand for Elions escaping their families and trying to integrate into modern society. A spokesman for the group responded to my question if the plight of the Ant'helions has ever been brought up to the Royal government in Klaasiya or even the Imperial government. "No, we have a policy of trying to handle our escaping youth as discretely as possible. We want them to be able to blend into society without having to ever acknowledge their Elion ancestry, and the less noise we make, the less questions these at-risk youth will face. We hope someday in the future the people of Elham and Klaasiya will forget entirely about the Ant'helions and those that we serve can integrate into society without fear of being outed as descendants of cannibals." When asked if the group offered any cultural learning programs to help dispel the fear of the Elions, the spokesman said that those programs were discussed in the past but have never been implemented.

The Ant'helion community is estimated to have about 1,000 people, mostly living 30 miles east of Elham in a town called Hukyon's Blessing. An elder of the community, although just a child herself when the displaced Elions moved near Elham, suggested that the town was indeed named after the missing Klaassoft employee, which if true would have chilling repercussions. The elder, Miss Toni Saint Sherrith says that the missionaries Bovinized the Elions, giving them Bovic baptismal names and taught them how to ritually devour their sacrificial victims. She begins to ramble, and mentions that the raccoon meat they use in their communion "has never tasted as savory as a person." When asked if she, or anyone she knows has tried human meat, either in her youth or recently, her lucidity returns and flatly denies it. Whether or not the Elions still practice human meat consumption is debatable. Of the few Klaasiyan and Imperial officials that need to enter Hukyon's Blessing, almost all anecdotally report that very few people over the age of 70 have both legs. Emergency rooms in eastern Elham report a nearly 300% increase in 'accidental amputations' compared to the national average, but none of those seeking medical attention for their limb loss bring in the severed limb. Further indication of intentional amputation is the use of calming herbs found in the bloodstream in the victims and doctors report a distinct lack of concern over the loss of the limb. It is likely that the Ant'helions practice mutilation and cannibalism on healthy and highly respected members of their group who have reached an age where they may not be as active and need both legs, but this has not been proven beyond circumstantial and anecdotal reports.

The calming herbs, however, have piqued the curiosity of the doctors, noting that the herb deadens nearly all pain, clots blood, and induces mild euphoria, but does not impair judgement or create physical dependence. It is currently undergoing clinical trials as an opioid replacement drug at the Ducal University-Borders City and being researched at the Agricultural Sciences Department at Ducal University-Hoheit for suitability as a mass crop. If the trials have any deree of success, the calming herb, which is not known to grow anywhere else, could be a major economic boon for Klaasiya.

It is important to chronicle these people, who will likely dwindle to a few dozen in a few generations. However, as horrid as their customs are, they do contribute to This Natopian Life.
Christophos Eucalyptos
Retired Natopian Statesman,
Writer for the Bagelcratican Sporadically
Played by Nathan

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