Laqi's Dash

The dominant power of the Southern League, the most populous county of Elwynn. Whoever allowed the Babkhi to settle this close to the Imperial capital probably needed their head examined.

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Krasniy Yastreb
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Laqi's Dash

Post by Krasniy Yastreb »

[Regarding the wayward NCO found skiving at the Rusalkoholic premiere, I thought I'd write a little about his journey from Goldshire. How he gets back to Ardashirshahr (or if he gets back at all) I'll leave to the Magic Pen of Ardy]
'The mad old bastard won't notice I'm gone', Sergeant Laqi Hyrrion had convinced himself. He'd been seconded away with a UDF liaison team to Timothea, negotiating with Goldshire's Lunatic Legion regarding humanitarian relief efforts in Alalehzamin. He knew his company commander's psychotic episodes led him to lose track of subordinates from time to time, and it just so happened that negotiations had ground to a standstill - a somewhat managed occurrence caused by both both parties' approach to the negotiations as an inconsequential public relations exercise. The larger part of Laqi's team - himself included - had been given a week's leave within the Timothean city limits, and by now he was sure his commander had all but forgotten he existed. He had only been put on the team due to his photogenic face. Good for the papers, the mad officer had said, before breaking a chair over his desk apropos of nothing whatsoever.

During his leave Laqi had struck up a working relationship with the more spivvish elements of the Lunatic delegation. One, a singer from one of the Lunatic Legion's many performing troupes had given Laqi a ticket for Rusalkoholic, a popular new play running in his homeland, in exchange for a can of the recently outlawed 'Ecstacy' cabbage drink that had come into Laqi's possession. Rather than trade it on, Laqi decided to slip the riot-torn streets of Timothea whose suitability for a R & R venue was somewhere around zero, and head south into Lunaris to see the play himself.

The journey south was not a straightforward one. Hitch-hiking along the shore of the River Elwynn, Laqi found it necessary to turn his dress uniform inside out and play the part of a dishevelled Lunatic returning to his homeland, in order to evade the many checkpoints and patrols he passed. As he headed away from the river and from Shirekeep, however, the military presence lessened and he found himself travelling through ploughed and wooded hills that seemed little changed from the days of Raynor. His leave expired to his utter indifference while he was still on the road - surely nobody would catch up with him in the backwoods of Lunaris.

It was to his dismay and embarassment, then, that while comfortably seated after the play's first interval a message addressed to him was read out to the entire auditorium by the compere - his insane commander has experienced an unfortunate moment of clarity, noticed his absence and ascertained his destination. Less fortunate still, this clarity did not extend to the commander's demands for his return within an impossible time frame, at pain of execution.

Deciding not to panic, Laqi sat through the second act trying to think of a way out. The hands of the UDF reached far; for all he knew they could already have goons at the playhouse door to cudgel him as he left. The second act concluded with him none the more resolved, until a bumbling bellboy approached him during the second interval with an abysmally sung tune and a note from none other than General Merrick himself. A surprisingly sympathetic assessment of his predicament and an offer of work, if he could travel to claim it quickly enough. Via Shirekeep to Ardashirshahr. In peacetime this would be the easiest route. In the current emergency with the Imperial Capital ravaged by disorder and disease, it would be by far the hardest.

Snippets of intelligence briefings flashed through his mind as he ran out into the road. Goldshire had taken over Shirekeep Airport and was filling it with explosives. Many of these explosives were coming from surplus stocks at Fort Erudinz, the Goldshire Regulars' artillery barracks in Teldrin. These were being ferried to Shirekeep by helicopter. Laqi needed to be on one of them. But first he had to get to Teldrin.

Carjacking in Lunaris is easy enough, provided one can find a car to jack. In the end Laqi loitered outside the playhouse waiting for the production's end to spew forth the theatregoers, and the chauffeur-driven cars which would pick up the more privileged among them. He picked the first to appear, a car of luxury make whose grandeur was much diminished by its unwashed appearance. He simply opened the door, pulled the equally unwashed driver from his seat and leapt in. Exactly what was going on did not dawn on the exiting crowds until the car knocked half a dozen flying as it tore up the road.

Although the fuel gauge had registered empty ever since the Volaticus woods, whatever fumes left had carried Laqi into Teldrin at breakneck speed. After stopping by a BO0O/\/\ist chapel to buy some cheap fireworks, he proceeded to the great iron gates of Fort Erudinz. He had practiced a reasonably nonchalant face in the car's rear view mirror on the journey, and used it on the gatehouse guard.

"Heavens Light, soldier. I hear you're taking donations for the Airport". Laqi presented his box of fireworks.

"You heard wrong", growled the guard. "Feck off".

"Nah 'e's right", called a voice from the guardhouse. A stockier guard appeared from its door. "The Cap'n be asking for every bloody BO0O/\/\ist and party popper merchant to come up with stuff what blows up fer us. Dis 'ere feller be the first to actually turn up though".

"First? Well that's an honour", said Laqi. "Tell you what, how about I give these to your... Captain... in person? First donation and all, a bit of ceremony".

***

The Captain of the Fort Erudinz Guard was evidently as gullible as he was enterprising. Five seconds alone with Laqi in his office and he was dead by a contortion of the neck which could only be described as gratuitous in its execution. From the office window Laqi climbed into the Fort's courtyard, dressed with the Captain's uniform over the top of his own inverted affair. Putting on his special face, he marched up to a helicopter whose pilot was powering it up for takeoff. Laqi smiled, slid open the door and hopped aboard among the crates of assorted ordnance which had been loaded before him. The pilot turned to face him in bewilderment, and was about to deliver a severe bollocking when he noticed that his passenger outranked him.

"Sorry sir, this bird's going direct to Shirekeep".

"So am I. Let's get going". barked Laqi in his best officer voice.

"Very well sir".

The helicopter rose slowly at first under the weight of its cargo, but soon soared westward into the night. For a time only the silvery moonlit band of the River Elwynn was visible below. Then, on the horizon, the glow of Shirekeep's innumerable fires. The pilot strained to hear something on his headset. He turned again to Laqi.

"Gods damn it, they want me to approach from the south for a recon of the western riverbank. Third time tonight! We'll come in along the river, past Raynor's Keep. Hold onto your hat, this might get rough... sorry about this sir".

"No problem. None at all" smiled Laqi.

And indeed it was not. For at a stroke he had been spared the awkward ordeal of talking his way out of the fortified airport. In its place however was an option not entirely guaranteed to succeed. He checked his watch: just gone midnight, making good time. As the looming bulk of Raynor's Keep came into view, Laqi pondered the effects of swallowing even the smallest drop of cabbage-infected river water. He knew he had no option. The dead captain back in Teldrin would have been radioed to the airport by now. As the helicopter banked hard right past Raynor's Keep and skimmed along the river, Laqi slid open the door.

"Sir?? Sir! What are you doing??"

If the pilot said any more, Laqi did not hear it. Feeling a surge of gratitude for the school swimming teacher who taught him correct diving posture at the age of eight, he plunged like a dart into the depths of the River Elwynn.

Royston Merrick

Re: Laqi's Dash

Post by Royston Merrick »

(Good story - I am currently undecided on his state of mind when he gets washed ashore... considering the crap we've been dumping in that river over the last month he'll be lucky if he doesn't end up talking to the Man with the Crow-Feathered-Cloak rather than Mr Merrick)

Royston Merrick

Re: Laqi's Dash

Post by Royston Merrick »

Explanations later. Duty first.

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Krasniy Yastreb
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Re: Laqi's Dash

Post by Krasniy Yastreb »

Jolly good. Meanwhile...
In the Ducal Office of the Palace of Goldshire Hamlet, Krasniy arrived from a lengthy breakfast for his morning's business. A few papers were laid out for his signature: one for the shipment of explosive ordnance from Auraumbre Barracks to Shirekeep Airport; one for the reimbursement of the cabbage farmers of southern Syrelwynn who had been most recently disendowed by the cabbage destruction order; and one for the sacking of the Governor of Diarsanta who had been caught red-handed embezzling the city funds.

Krasniy browsed all three documents, signed them without hesitation and opened, with an small golden key, a drawer in his desk for their safe placement until collection.

Instead of being empty the drawer, to his surprise, contained a blank white envelope. Krasniy took and opened it, thinking it some missive he had forgotten to send. The paper inside was edged with some gold alloy so sharp that it drew blood from his thumb. Cursing quietly and sucking the thumb like an infant, Krasniy adjusted his grip more carefully and read its contents:

Image


To Yastreb

We write in response to your repeated enquiries regarding the case of Sergeant Laqi Hyrrion of the Union Defence Force of Elwynn, and the the recent acts he committed against Goldshirian interests.

Being loathe to wait for such a fainciful thing as permission, we have been conducting our own investigations prior to your requests. Be advised that your desire for details confuses us. We generally provide information to a Duke only when the Duchy is in great peril - otherwise we will thank you for leaving us to our investigations without interruption. It has always been done this way, and what you do not know cannot hurt you.

But if in this case you insist on knowing minutiæ that can serve no other purpose than to worry you, we shall oblige.

Sergeant Hyrrion was part of the UDF delegation to Timothea concerning your humanitarian offer to the Elwynnese. From a performing singer of the Lunatic Legion he traded a can of contraband 'Lunatic Ecstacy' cabbage drink for a ticket to the Rusalkoholic premiere in Lunaris (note: we intercepted and tested the singer according to the usual method, after which we subjected him to an intensive preventative treatment process. However he did not survive the procedure).

Hyrrion evaded patrols to reach the Holy Lunatic Playhouse in disguise. While at the play, he was passed a message informing him of his leave being broken and the intention of his commanding officer to execute him. Shortly afterwards he was delivered a note in person from a playhouse bellboy, the contents of which are unknown. The Bellboy is our primary lead - we intercepted and took him to the basement of the Avakair Mint where we tested him using a variation on the usual method, involving a little more aqua regia. The information obtained from him was, however, limited. The transcript of his test follows:
TRANSCRIPT BEGINS

Tester 1: Right let's start with a little over the homeopathic. Is it ready?

Tester 2: Here.

*sound of liquid being poured*

Bellboy: Where am I fellahs? Gawsh I'll say I'd be in awful trouble if ya kept me too long in 'ere. People needs me ya know! I-

*sound of gargling screaming*

Tester 1: Yes he's good. Flip him.

*thumping sounds, followed by violent vomiting and gasps*

Tester 2: There it is.

Tester 1: Don't break it.

Bellboy: What are you rotten bleeders doing to me?

*sound of a dull thud followed by a whimper, then a ripple of thuds*

Tester 2: Here. It's broken already, look.

Tester 1: Hmm. Illegible. About an hour too late I'd say.

Tester 2: Looks like the old fashioned way then.

Tester 1: Yes.

*sound of nails being dragged on metal*

Tester 1: Bellboy.

Bellboy: *cough* What? What do you want?

Tester 1: What did the note say?

Bellboy: What note?

*soft hissing sound. Screams*

Tester 1: The note was something to do with General Merrick, wasn't it.

Bellboy: No!

Tester 2: You sung about him though. Everybody heard you.

Bellboy: A bit of satire! Everyone's singing about him. Like they do about the new Kaiser! I was only tryin' to cheer the bloke up, he just got caught AWOL an' all, and-

Tester 2: Got some a bit stronger here.

*soft hisssing sound*

Bellboy: Oh Gods my eyes! My eyes!

Tester 1: It'll stop. Tell us who you work for.

Bellboy: I works for the Play'ouse. The 'Oly Lunatic Play'ouse. Look mate you gots the wrong bloke I swears! I knows bugger all!

*sound of a thud, then quiet weeping*

Tester 2: Who are you protecting?

Bellboy: Me old Dear! Me muthah! Don't ya understand boys she's under a gun barrel every day. And I won't tell you nothin! Pour that orange crap on me as much as ya likes ya bastards, I'd 'appily die for me old dear I would. They'll kill her if I so much as breathe an answer at ya.

Tester 1: They? So there are more than one? An organisation?

Bellboy: Guess all ya wants, ya twat.

Tester 1: Lets have some neat.

*vigorous hissing sound, high pitched scream, muffled by blockage of the mouth*

Tester 2: Makes a nice smell, I always thought.

Tester 1: Leaves a pretty pattern too. You know what though?

Tester 2: What?

Tester 1: Well schooled this one. As good as ours. Probably best not to let his bosses miss him, whoever they are. Just a hunch.

Tester 2: Yes I know what you mean. Better have him alive then.

Tester 1: Can't win them all.

Tester 2: Indeed. How's the wife by the way? Over her flu?

*sound of door opening. multiple muffled footsteps*

Tester 1: Yes she's all clear now. Thought for a moment she'd been cabbaged.

*sound of approaching footsteps*

TRANSCRIPT ENDS
We are of the opinion that Sergeant Hyrrion's case is a simple one of Absence Without Leave, albeit taken to extraordinary lengths once he had been discovered. We are satisfied that Hyrrion's other motives, if they exist, do not feature Goldshire in any significant manner. His only concerning aspect has been the security breach and subsequent murder he committed in Fort Erudinz. This, we have discerned, is primarily the fault of the Captain of the Fort Erudinz Guard himself in allowing unauthorised initiatives amid shoddy security. For this indiscretion he had already paid with his life. As for Sergeant Hyrrion, he is a Felon of the Duchy and, as such, shall be retained on our horizon.

We trust that this report satisfies your incessant curiosity, and that you see no futher need to bother us on the matter.

Always watching,
THE ASSAYERS

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