In what he called an "Anti-Idolatry Breakfast", an image of the Butter Cow produced according to the traditional Natopian-Smorkyan rite was desecrated with butter knives and subsequently spread on toast, bagels, and croissants and served to hundreds of protesters at Simrani's Shuvasti Ateshkadeh yesterday morning. The cleric told listeners:
The most interesting part of Simrani's long sermon was an act of omission: despite condemning "dendrolatrous" Cedrists, "infidel" Christians, and "confusing" Raikothlin, Simrani refused to condemn the popular practice of worshipping the local goddess Elwynn as an "avatar" of Ahura Mazda, the Zurvanite god of good. The closest he came to mentioning the practice, a widespread topic of debate within the Ardashirian community, was to note that "We must remember that although the means by which we relate to ancient traditions is ever-changing, the fundamental referent of those traditions is fully correct and without need for alteration."Behold, there is none of the Divine in this abominable cow! It can be spread upon toast just as ordinary butter! Does it taste different? Does it take even a moment longer to melt in your mouth? It does not! Therefore, abandon this ridiculous pretension of a Butter Cow, and turn unto Zurvan, the compassionate, the merciful, whose wrath on the Day of Judgment will melt sinners just as your righteous tongues have melted the body of this unholy creature.
For the Butter Cow is edible and delicious, but Zurvan is not edible, nor can He be spread upon toasted bread, for He is already in all places, at all times, in the hearts of all men. Yea, he is even in the hearts of the Natopians, that He may harden their spirits and lead them into sin to show His wrath at Frashokereti. Beware, O Smorkyans, for the Day of Judgment is at hand, and then no farm animal of sculpted lard will be able to save you from Ahriman and the House of Lies!
Several ethnic Natopians launched a mostly peaceful protest outside the Ateshkadeh, but there were rumors of individual acts of violence elsewhere in the city. Watchers of PALANTIR, Raikoth's semi-intelligent concern monitoring system, report that concerns about rising ethnic tensions in Aekophan are rapidly rising in salience, with nearly forty one hundred stones of significance as of 9 AM Monday morning. At this rate, the central government in Tala is widely expected to intervene in the next few days, although no one can predict what form such an intervention might take.
Some have already seen the hand of Raikoth's government in a shift of Ardashirian migration patterns. The prime target for refugees from Riqi Adurellion has changed from Aekophan to Dragonskeep; some suggest that subtle changes in the Elwynnese transportation network, and laws introduced in the Riqi by suspected Raikothin spies, may have encouraged the shift in hard-to-pin-down ways. Aside from making these Babkhans no longer the direct and immediate problem of Tala, some have noted that the city of Dragonskeep is less strategically important than the key fortress of Aekophan, and may be, to put it bluntly, "expendable".
Attempts to get a comment from the Raikothin government were met with the usual confusion about whether such an entity actually exists in anything more than a metaphorical sense, as well as philosophical difficulties about what communication with it would even mean.