Tetrabiblios

Image
The seat of the Pentheros of the Dozan Bovic Church.

Moderators: (Natopia) Emperor, (Natopia) Chancellor, (Natopia) Pentheros

Post Reply
User avatar
Nathaniel
Vagrant who is the owner of two celeriacs
Posts: 1377
Joined: Tue Sep 24, 2013 8:55 am

Tetrabiblios

Post by Nathaniel »

The Book of Doctrines
  • Road to Borders Bay
    The False Cow
    Vices of Mount Vice
    Revelations of Saint Biffor
    The Law as revealed to Saint Taznim
    The Margarine Cow and the Grapefruit
    Account of Saint Nathaniel
    First Storish Epistle: Bosarchs
    Second Storish Epistle: Diet
    Third Storish Epistle: Apostasy
    Revelations of Saint Elijah
The Book of Parables
  • The Lion and the Mouse
    The Tiger, the Brahman and the Jackal
    The Charmed Ring
The Book of Hymns (The Hymnal)
  • The Spirit of Cow like Butter is melting
    Onward Bovic Soldiers
    Come, Come, Ye Fools
    Hymn of Juice and Bagels
The Book of Revelations
  • Prince William's Revelation
    The Undying Demon
    Apotheosis of Elijah
    The Adjuvant
    The Father and the Son
    A Living Symbol of Unity
    The Revelation of Trials
    Nathaniel the Returned's Message
The Expanded Bovic Pantheon
  • Bous (God, all Four in One)

    The Butter Cow, benevolence
    The Butter Bull, malevolence
    The Butter Spirit, omnipresence
    The Butter Man, physical presence (aka Pentheros Theodores Athanatos, aka Nathan the Once-Living God)

    The Seven Disciples of Butter Cow

    St. Tony-called-Toni, dirt roads, transportation
    St. Ringo, non-slip footwear
    St. Nathaniel the Disciple, sarcasm and stating the obvious
    St. Sherrith, elephants and cold weather, patron saint of the Mehl
    St. Joelle, authority, government, patron saint of the Armored Goats
    St. Branflake, intolerance
    St. Biffor, confidants

    Other Saints

    St. Bessie, places of worship
    St. Taznim, turtles and rules, patron saint of Tas Neemia and the Dhurist Rite
    The Foolish Martyrs, war and surrender
    St. Andre, trade and commerce, patron saint of Port St. Andre
    St. Elijah the Beloved, parenting, patron saint of the Elijahn Rite
    St. Jaies Timberpine, patron saint of the Hazel
    St. Asara the Cursebreaker, patron saint of the relationship between household, state, and church

    Phallic Pantheon

    Bruno
    Priapus
    Winged Phallus

    Venerable People

    Nett Opaegh
    Nathaniel the Returned (Nathaniel Ayreon Kalirion of Waffel-Paine)
    The Blessed Quadruplets (Arn, Rostram, Aldin, Adam)
    Guinevere Moonoak, mate of Nathan the Once-Living God, Mother Tree of Moonoak Thicket on Tarsica

    Demons
    Sisera the Unrepentant (may only be
    T'son the Undying
    Mecha-Margarine Cow
Last edited by Nathaniel on Sun Jan 19, 2014 2:32 pm, edited 2 times in total.

User avatar
Nathaniel
Vagrant who is the owner of two celeriacs
Posts: 1377
Joined: Tue Sep 24, 2013 8:55 am

Book of Doctrines

Post by Nathaniel »

The Story of the Road to Borders Bay

One day, the Butter Cow was walking down the road to the Borders Bay along with his 9 disciples. The sun was hot that day, and Butter Cow began to perspire and drip his sacred butter on the road. Butter Cow stopped when his disciples began crying and worshiping the spilled butter.

"Why do you weep, my friends?" spake Butter Cow.

"O blessed one, your butter has fallen to the ground, making it holy. We cannot walk on it, lest we blaspheme," replied Tony-called-Toni.

"Oh ye fools!" cried Butter Cow, "Can ye not see it is a hot day, for I am made of lowly butter, dost though not expect me to drippeth on the road we walk?" At that, the 9 men stood up, and got back onto the road, and followed Butter Cow.

As it came to pass, the disciples' sneakers began to become very buttery and slick, having tread upon the butter dripping from the venerable image of the Butter Cow. Several of the men slipped and fell on the road. Butter Cow stopped and turned. "Why do you fall, my disciples?"

One of the men, Ringo, replied "We slip, for the road is made slick and buttery by your drippings, for the sun is hot and you are made of lowly butter."

"Fools!" replied the Butter Cow, "For what wouldst thou expect, walking behind a being made of lowly butter? Therefore, thou shalt henceforth walk before me." And so the men did.

The Story of the False Cow

Three of the disciples of the Butter Cow, Joelle, Sherrith, and Nathaniel, went on the pilgrimage to Butter Cow City to gaze upon the image of the Butter Cow at the fair held there every year.

Upon entering the Dairy Hall, the shrine to that year's image, Nathaniel could see a problem. "The image of the reverent Cow is not in its proper altar," he said to Sherrith and Joelle as they entered. The image of the Cow had been placed in a rotating altar, in the center of the Dairy Hall, with many creatures, also made of butter, surrounding the reverent image.

The disciples were aghast at the display of blasphemy and sought out the masters of the fair to protest. The masters defended the image by saying, "It is written that every year a new image of the Cow was to be made, as the specific breed of the reverent Butter Cow is unknown, and so a new breed was to be represented every year. And if a new image was to be made every year, why should not realistic additions be added to the image of the Cow?"

Joelle thus spake, "As you say it is written that a new breed of cow be represented each year. But it is not written that any additions be made to the perfect image of the reverent Butter Cow. To do so is to imply imperfection in the image of the Cow, to suggest it requires additional creatures. Burn this image, I say, for it is an abomination unto the Cow! Let the butter seep into the ground, for it has been tainted and is now only fit for the worms of the earth."

Ashamed, the masters did as the disciples commanded.


The Story of the Vices of Mount Vice

As it came to pass, the Butter Cow and one of his nine disciples, Branflake, were walking along the road from Pavleton to Vice City.

When they came to the foothills of Mount Vice, Branflake lamented "One does not simply walk into Vice City."

To which the Butter Cow replied, "O ye fool! One simply climbs into Vice City, for it is built on the peak of Mount Vice, the tallest mountain in the land." And so they climbed.

When they came to the ancient, man-made plateau that Vice City was built on, they were shocked to see a menagerie of vice and sin.

Branflake lamented, "O Cow! Dost thou see the men laying with men as with women? And the all thou can eateth shrimp bar? And then the men laying with men as with women whilst eating all thou can eateth shrimp?"

And the reverent Butter Cow gazed upon the abominations and vices. Soon he turned to Branflake and spake thusly, "Well that... that's just fine."

And Branflake was left on the street to view the abominations as the reverent Butter Cow walked into the nearest all thou can eateth lobster bar, for he had his own butter for dressing it in.


The Revelation of Saint Biffor

The Revelation of the reverent Butter Cow of the things which will come to pass as given to his disciple, Biffor, who bare witness to this account.

And lo, I saw the many lesser cows amongst the other creatures of the earth, grazing and mowing. Then the sky opened up and there was a great disturbance. From the sky came forth a demon shaped like a saucer with goggles.

The demon terrorized the cows and creatures of the earth and took them up into its belly. There it did horrendous things to the cow, it sliced them and played music with their entrails.

And then there was a room with many tubes. In it were cows being grown in a most unnatural way. The reverent Butter Cow saw this and was not pleased. He commanded one of the cows to grow, and thus it grew as a tumor, uncontrolled until it caused the demon to erupt and burst. Still the cow continued to grow until it let forth its own spawn into the world.

These spawn went on to terrorize and eat the other creatures of earth, for they were spawn of the Margarine Cow, who had been created by the demon, yet given life by the Butter Cow, therefore the Margarine Cow desired only destruction, for it knew not if it were good or evil, for it was made of both and yet therefore neither.

The demons came forth again, to subdue and control the Margarine Cow. They succeeded. However, as the Margarine Cow fell to the earth, it summoned forth material from the city with dimensions of one mile squared. The material became Mecha-Margarine Cow, and battled the demon with a dozen eyes which had come from the sky.

And thus the two titans fought for 40 seconds until the sky opened up yet again and a great mechanical beast began to rain fire upon the earth. The Mecha-Margarine Cow rode the demon with a dozen eyes into space and to the moon.

As soon as the Mecha-Margarine Cow had left the planet with the demons, there was then no evil upon the earth's surface. The Butter Cow saw this and took up all of his faithful to live with him for eternity in Dairyland.

There in space the Mecha-Margarine Cow saw the destruction on the face of the earth caused by the large mechanical beast, and seeing no other option, thrust the moon down onto the beast and earth, killing 1/4 of the world's population in the process.

He then returned to earth, which now only had the heathens, and he set up his centurial kingdom of false butter gods, strict intolerance, and Victorian sensibilities.

And those in Dairyland looked down upon their brothers and sisters and felt pity. And they laughed.


The Law as revealed to Saint Taznim

And it came to pass that a lowly turtle farmer by the name of Taznim was herding her turtles across the great Klaasiyan plains, when suddenly a great voice spoke. Taznim was afraid for she knew not where the voice came from, and so she began to cower behind one of the larger turtles.

"Do not be afraid, my child, for I am the voice of the one true Cow. You have been chosen as you have forsaken all other cows before you and now are a shepherd of turtles, one of my noblest creations."

Taznim became less afraid and heard more clearly the voice now. It seemed to be coming from behind a large rock. "Do not come near the large rock, for you will be disappointed to learn that I am certainly not behind the rock, but my voice is emanating from the rock! Do not come to the rock or I will ... curse you and your children for seven and seventy generations!" Taznim was again afraid, but did not intend to have children, so she ventured closer to the rock.

"Fool! You have invoked the wrath of the Cow! I will now leave in disgust in the form of a cow made of butter to shame you and show my power!"

And with that the Butter Cow ran away from behind the rock.

Taznim saw that a stone tablet was left behind the rock and picked it up. On it were inscribed the Laws of the one true Cow. All who obeyed this law will find favor with the Cow and live with him in Dairyland for eternity.

Thou will not murder. Thou will not steal. Thou will not lie. Thou will not worship any other Cow. Thou will honor thy dairy farmers. Thou will embrace thy neighbor's strange customs. Thou will not covet thy neighbor's ass, thou will go to the gym instead.

And so, Taznim, having been shamed and cursed by the almighty Cow, was now the prophet of the Cow's law unto her people, the tribe of the Neemites. The Neemites will follow this law and become the chosen people of the Cow.


The Account of Saint Biffor regarding the Fruit of the Margarine Cow, the Grapefruit

The sun was high as Biffor strolled through the orange orchard of Doza admiring all that the reverent Butter Cow had created. So fair and beautiful were the trees and oranges that hung from them that Biffor wandered among them in awe until he realised that the day was all but spent and that he had wandered so far into the fair orange grove that he no longer knew the way out. Distressed he lifted his face to the heavens and prayed for guidance. There before him appeared the image of the reverent Butter Cow and Biffor was overjoyed.

“Fool!” spake the Butter Cow, “Why have you wandered so carelessly into the orange grove? Is it that you were admiring all my creations?”

“It is so, reverent one, I was so awe struck by the beauty of your trees and oranges that I wandered for countless hours and cannot find my way out again!”

To which the reverent Butter Cow replied: “As I thought. I will show you the way out on one condition, do not pick any of the fruit of the trees for they are not yet ripe for picking.”

Biffor agreed although he had been walking all day and was by this time very hungry. The image of the holy Butter Cow turned to lead the way. As the holy one set off towards the orange grove's edge, Biffor saw the largest and most juicy orange he had ever seen. Over come by greed he stretched out his hand to it, picked it from the branch and slipped into his pocket for fear of being seen disobeying the reverent one's order.

As they walked Biffor received much wisdom from the Butter Cow on many subjects, from the evils of wearing socks with sandals to the virtues of Mel Brookes' movies.

At last they came to the edge of the trees and Biffor was overjoyed. Suddenly, feeling the guilt of his disobedience, he confessed to the reverent Butter Cow.

“Oh holy Butter Cow I have degraded myself by disobeying your order not to pick any fruit of the trees!”

“Fool!” said the Butter Cow, “Does thou think I did not notice? 14Do not attempt to tell me that great bulge in your pocket is because you are pleased to see me!”

Biffor pulled the orange from his pocket and held it out to the Butter Cow and the Butter Cow said, “You picked it and you carried it, eat it. For are you not hungry?”

Biffor, feeling reprieved hurriedly peeled the juicy orange and took a large bite. “BLARGH!” screamed Biffor.

“Yes!” smiled the Butter Cow, “For your disobedience I have changed the orange into a grapefruit, the cursed fruit of the Margarine Cow! Eat it and be cleansed of the sin that it brought you.”

Biffor ate the grapefruit, though the sourness contorted his face, and he was glad.


The Account of Saint Nathaniel of the War that does not exist

During the war that was not part of our own actual history Nathaniel was hearing damage reports from the air strike when suddenly he noticed a strange smell on the bridge of his vessel. He turned to see a small man, smoking marijuana, wearing a Margarian hat covering his dreadlocks that draped down his filthy tie dyed shirt. The entire bridge was silent except for the faint beeping of equipment and the sound of this mysterious hippie inhaling from his joint.

The emperor turned and whispered to his adjunct, "ensign... who the hell is that disgusting man?"

The ensign turned bright red "s-s-sir... er... y-your majesty... s-sir... he is a ... er... peace delegation from Fifty Elk Island, brought aboard as part of his professed neutrality and... our... er... y-your majesty's own policy of hospitality toward neutrals as a show of Natopian civility... s-sir."

Nathaniel nodded... "well... I don't like him. Please throw him off this ship. And ensign... literally. Throw him off... this boat... understood?"

The ensign saluted and ordered some crewman to grab the hippie and drag him to the bow.

Nathaniel turned back to his reports. "Well men... I frankly don't care anymore. I'll be taking the helicopter and be on my way. I authorize Plan Omega... godspeed gentlemen... I would say it was an honor serving with you... but... I really didn't get to know you that well."

And as Nathaniel left the bridge, he heard the faint splash of the hippie being tossed overboard. He made his way to the special armored anti-grav copter, and took off... toward the north pole, away from hostilities.

The commanders on the bridge we're gloomily going about plan Omega... all fighter and bomber pilots were ordered to do kamikaze strikes against the Nova English and Novatainian fleets. They had solace knowing that any Natopian who died during a plan Omega strike was assured entrance into the Bovinist heaven, Dairyland... with 72 virgin calves for their pleasure. The Pentheros of the Dozan Bovic Church, has the authority to grant such allowances.

And thus the Foolish Martyrs of the War That Does Not Exist earned their canonization in the Fodder of Saints... fulfilling the Pentheros' divine prophecies.

First Storish Epistle: Bosarchs

Lady Unna asks, "Allow me to ask how Bovic clergy is selected and where they are trained?"

Sergius replies, "Thank you for an excellent question. Bovic clergy can be called to serve in two ways: 1) A metrobosarch or the pentheros will call the person to serve the Church. This request is seldom refuted and often used to call devout and modest Bovic laypersons into service of the church. Or 2) A person may hear their own calling by divine revelation from Bous, sometimes in the form of the Butter Cow or hearing the Butter Spirit's murmurs coming from their buttered toast that morning. After some consultation with a superior to ensure the legitimacy of the revelation, they will be enyoked (ordained) by the pentheros.

There are no formal training seminaries for Bovic clergy. Bosarchs are expected to be intimately familiar with the Tetrabiblios before they hear their calling and they continue their personal study for the remainder of their lives."

Jonathan replies, "If I may add: since Bovinism is a prophetic faith, that is, we take our wisdom and inspiration from prophetic messages, we do not quite believe in theological seminaries as a training point. All Bovics are encouraged to study and discuss the texts and any relevation with one another, but ultimately, the final truth must be found in the heart of each believer. I am confident that there are genuine Calves out there who have never ever heard the message of Bous but only know it in their hearts."

Second Storish Epistle: Diet

Lady Unna asks, "Allow me to ask whether Bovics are prohibited from eating beef?"

Sergius replies, "There are no outright dietary restrictions in the Bovic faith. However Bovics seldom, if ever, eat margarine as it is the substance used to create the anti-cow, the Margarine Cow which is a demon of total unfeeling destruction. Margarine is therefore highly stigmatized, but the holy books make no outright prohibition of it.

Grapefruits have an odd place in Bovic faith, they are an attribute of the Margarine Cow and considered to be "cursed." However, on at least once occasion the Butter Cow commanded his disciple to eat a grapefruit as a form of penance. It is my personal interpretation that grapefruits cannot be used routinely to cleanse one's sins but only in extreme circumstances and only after being instructed to do so by a bosarch or divine revelation. At other times grapefruit should be avoided.

Eating beef is fine because the Butter Cow, or any form of the Butter Spirit, never took a fleshy form. The incarnations of the Butter Cow, the Butter Bow, and even the Butter Man (Nathan the Once-Living) were ordinary butter given shape by human hands and given life by the Butter Spirit.

So, related to you question of eating beef, Bovics are allowed and encouraged to eat butter, it is seen as a holy rite to eat freshly churned butter. Anytime a Bovic eats butter throughout the course of their day (on toast, to sautee their dinner, etc) it presents an opportunity for the devout Bovic to offer reverence to Bous many times throughout the day."

Third Storish Epistle: Apostasy

Lady Unna asks, "Allow me to ask what the Bovic faith thinks about apostasy?"

Sergius replies, "The concept of apostasy is not well defined in Bovic literature as we have few cases to form a tenet around. If a member of my Herd would come to me and say he or she no longer believed in Bous I would be saddened. I would point to the entire segment of Natopia's history when we were ruled directly by the Butter Bull. I would point to the video recordings of the Butter Bull sacrificing himself and reforming the entire city of Cape Newport after it was destroyed by terrorists. Some parts of the city are still made from the Bull's buttery remains. I would point to the resurrection of Nathan Waffel-Paine as a being of pure butter.

Of course, the world is full of many strange and inexplicable things, and if a wayward Bovic decides that Bous and his incarnations are not divine in nature, and not worthy of reverence, then we must respect their decision to leave the church. A wayward Bovic would be welcomed back with open arms whenever they choose to return to the Herd.

A bosarch who renounces the faith could not return to the clergy under any circumstances but would naturally be welcomed to rejoin the Herd as a layperson.

Perhaps the highest profile apostate is the former Metrobosarch of Tapfer, Deimos Jasonides. He renounced St. Elijah the Beloved, the very same person who his cathedral was built and named in honor of, and left the church and Natopia. He faced no official punishments aside from his appointment being overturned. However he is not welcome in Athlon and likely would not be well received in any Bovic church on Micras. We are from the same island actually, he is from a village in Athlon, 300 miles south of my birthplace of Hergon. I cannot imagine his torment, not being welcomed in his own home because he turned his back on his faith. Only he can answer to Bous when he dies and only he can bear the burden on his soul. May Bous have pity on him."

Revelation of Saint Elijah to Aldin

While praying in the garden of the Basilica of St. Bessie, I was struck down by the blinding presence of two glowing, golden figures who appeared before me. They spoke to me and I wrote down their divine words here:

The Butter Bull, "Thus speaketh Bous! Hear thee the words of my calf, Elijah the Blessed, who shalt now speak to thee. Mark his words."

Elijah, "Aldin, my grandson, I am Elijah, your grandfather. Out of all my grandchildren, you are the one who’ll listen to me. Of course, two of your brothers are already here with me in Dairyland, studying the scriptures to come, enjoying their life. And right now, they won’t listen to me, as they’re playing and studying.

But you are listening, right? Good.

I know that you miss your brothers, but you have an important role to fill right now as pentheros of this church. Just as your brothers here fill a different role. And even Adam performs his role.

Adam was endowed with a wicked heart. I hate it. And I cry every time he does something wickedly and bad. But I know that he brought Arn and Rostam to me. There was a reason for that. You must forgive him for that.

Arn and Rostam came here after they had died. Once they died, they were brought as spirit beings to the place where the souls are imprisoned. This place is an awful place. You know when you wake up one morning and you can’t move? Imagine that, except you have no body to move. That’s what it’s like. All souls go to this place when they have died.

Here, their conscience, deeds and faith are assessed by the spirit of Bous, who knows everything.

If a soul has on Micras lead a life that’s been bad, but forgivable, that soul goes to the land upon which the stars shine, and there, the soul is reborn to an eternal existence, in a body of butter. Life here is good for the people. And they are content. They are at peace. But they cannot grow much.

If a soul has lead a life that’s been good, admirable, and full of good deeds, with good values underpinning their actions, but has not welcomed the holy buttery spirit, either on Micras or in the prison of spirits, then that soul will be reborn in a body of butter in the kingdom upon which the moons shine. There will be happiness, joy, and pleasures. People will be more than content and happy, they will be filled with pleasures of all their sorts. But, they cannot grow as beings, more than exploring all the different ways of pleasures a body can have.

If a soul has accepted its role as a slave to Bous, then that soul will be reborn in a body of butter, in the kingdom upon which the sun shines. Here, all nurture is given the people. They excel in all things, and they learn all there is to know in the universe. They will gain a perfect understanding of everything. They will grow into gods themselves, and as gods, they will take charge of a world far away. As gods, they will produce children, calves, of their own, and these children will be reborn as whatever creature they decide them to be on that planet, under the conditions of that planet, and things will ever be so well. You know that our dairy mother is the Butter Cow, right? And that our dairy father is the Butter Bull? Do you know how we can tell? Because we drink her milk when we’re born, from our own mothers. When you grow up, you will also know it is possible to milk a man or even yourself. But let’s not dwell on that right now.

In any case, Bull and Cow lived on a planet called Earth. I’ve talked to you about Earth before. On Earth there are bovine creatures too, but they are enslaved by the masses. They are considered low (except by a certain people), and are subjugated for their bodily fluids. But out of all souls, among all creatures there, two were found to be the most holy, and they ascended to the kingdom upon which the sun shines. Then, upon learning all the secrets of the universe, they took charge of this planet, Micras, to guide it, guard it, and nurture it, and all its souls."

Butter Bull, "That's enough. I’m gonna stop Elijah there. Lots of important stuff he said there. But you can talk to him more later. Okay, bye!"

Elijah, "Sir, yes, sir! Take care, Aldin. All my love and my blessings to you and the people you will teach."

User avatar
Nathaniel
Vagrant who is the owner of two celeriacs
Posts: 1377
Joined: Tue Sep 24, 2013 8:55 am

Book of Parables

Post by Nathaniel »

The Story of the Lion and the Mouse

A LION was awakened from sleep by a Mouse running over his face. Rising up angrily, he caught him and was about to kill him, when the Mouse piteously entreated, saying: "If you would only spare my life, I would be sure to repay your kindness."

The Lion laughed and let him go. It happened shortly after this that the Lion was caught by some hunters, who bound him by strong ropes to the ground. The Mouse, recognizing his roar, came and gnawed the rope with his teeth and set him free, exclaiming:

"You ridiculed the idea of my ever being able to help you, expecting to receive from me any repayment of your favor; now you know that it is possible for even a Mouse to con benefits on a Lion."


The Tiger, the Brahman, and the Jackal

Once upon a time, a tiger was caught in a trap. He tried in vain to get out through the bars, and rolled and bit with rage and grief when he failed.

By chance a poor Brahman came by. "Let me out of this cage, oh pious one!" cried the tiger.

"Nay, my friend," replied the Brahman mildly, "you would probably eat me if I did."

"Not at all!" swore the tiger with many oaths; "on the contrary, I should be for ever grateful, and serve you as a slave!"

Now when the tiger sobbed and sighed and wept and swore, the pious Brahman's heart softened, and at last he consented to open the door of the cage. Out popped the tiger, and, seizing the poor man, cried, "What a fool you are! What is to prevent my eating you now, for after being cooped up so long I am just terribly hungry!"

In vain the Brahman pleaded for his life; the most he could gain was a promise to abide by the decision of the first three things he chose to question as to the justice of the tiger's action.

So the Brahman first asked a pipal tree what it thought of the matter, but the pipal tree replied coldly, "What have you to complain about? Don't I give shade and shelter to every one who passes by, and don't they in return tear down my branches to feed their cattle? Don't whimper--be a man!"

Then the Brahman, sad at heart, went further afield till he saw a buffalo turning a well-wheel; but he fared no better from it, for it answered, "You are a fool to expect gratitude! Look at me! Whilst I gave milk they fed me on cotton-seed and oil-cake, but now I am dry they yoke me here, and give me refuse as fodder!"

The Brahman, still more sad, asked the road to give him its opinion.

"My dear sir," said the road, "how foolish you are to expect anything else! Here am I, useful to everybody, yet all, rich and poor, great and small, trample on me as they go past, giving me nothing but the ashes of their pipes and the husks of their grain!"

On this the Brahman turned back sorrowfully, and on the way he met a jackal, who called out, "Why, what's the matter, Mr. Brahman? You look as miserable as a fish out of water!"

The Brahman told him all that had occurred. "How very confusing!" said the jackal, when the recital was ended; "would you mind telling me over again, for everything has got so mixed up?"

The Brahman told it all over again, but the jackal shook his head in a distracted sort of way, and still could not understand.

"It's very odd," said he, sadly, "but it all seems to go in at one ear and out at the other! I will go to the place where it all happened, and then perhaps I shall be able to give a judgment."

So they returned to the cage, by which the tiger was waiting for the Brahman, and sharpening his teeth and claws.

"You've been away a long time!" growled the savage beast, "but now let us begin our dinner."

"Our dinner!" thought the wretched Brahman, as his knees knocked together with fright; "what a remarkably delicate way of putting it!"

"Give me five minutes, my lord!" he pleaded, "in order that I may explain matters to the jackal here, who is somewhat slow in his wits."

The tiger consented, and the Brahman began the whole story over again, not missing a single detail, and spinning as long a yarn as possible.

"Oh, my poor brain! oh, my poor brain!" cried the jackal, wringing its paws. "Let me see! how did it all begin? You were in the cage, and the tiger came walking by--"

"Pooh!" interrupted the tiger, "what a fool you are! I was in the cage."

"Of course!" cried the jackal, pretending to tremble with fright; "yes! I was in the cage--no I wasn't--dear! dear! where are my wits? Let me see--the tiger was in the Brahman, and the cage came walking by--no, that's not it, either! Well, don't mind me, but begin your dinner, for I shall never understand!"

"Yes, you shall!" returned the tiger, in a rage at the jackal's stupidity; "I'll make you understand! Look here--I am the tiger--"

"Yes, my lord!"

"And that is the Brahman--"

"Yes, my lord!"

"And that is the cage--"

"Yes, my lord!"

"And I was in the cage--do you understand?"

"Yes--no--Please, my lord--"

"Well?" cried the tiger impatiently.

"Please, my lord!--how did you get in?"

"How!--why in the usual way, of course!"

"Oh, dear me!--my head is beginning to whirl again! Please don't be angry, my lord, but what is the usual way?"

At this the tiger lost patience, and, jumping into the cage, cried, "This way! Now do you understand how it was?"

"Perfectly!" grinned the jackal, as he dexterously shut the door, "and if you will permit me to say so, I think matters will remain as they were!"


The Charmed Ring

A merchant started his son in life with three hundred rupees, and bade him go to another country and try his luck in trade. The son took the money and departed. He had not gone far before he came across some herdsmen quarrelling over a dog, that some of them wished to kill.

"Please do not kill the dog," pleaded the young and tender-hearted fellow; "I will give you one hundred rupees for it."

Then and there, of course, the bargain was concluded, and the foolish fellow took the dog, and continued his journey. He next met with some people fighting about a cat. Some of them wanted to kill it, but others not. "Oh! please do not kill it," said he; "I will give you one hundred rupees for it." Of course they at once gave him the cat and took the money.

He went on till he reached a village, where some folk were quarrelling over a snake that had just been caught. Some of them wished to kill it, but others did not. "Please do not kill the snake," said he; "I will give you one hundred rupees." Of course the people agreed, and were highly delighted.

What a fool the fellow was! What would he do now that all his money was gone? What could he do except return to his father? Accordingly he went home.

"You fool! You scamp!" exclaimed his father when he had heard how his son had wasted all the money that had been given to him. "Go and live in the stables and repent of your folly. You shall never again enter my house."

So the young man went and lived in the stables. His bed was the grass spread for the cattle, and his companions were the dog, the cat, and the snake, which he had purchased so dearly. These creatures got very fond of him, and would follow him about during the day, and sleep by him at night; the cat used to sleep at his feet, the dog at his head, and the snake over his body, with its head hanging on one side and its tail on the other.

One day the snake in course of conversation said to its master, "I am the son of Raja Indrasha. One day, when I had come out of the ground to drink the air, some people seized me, and would have slain me had you not most opportunely arrived to my rescue. I do not know how I shall ever be able to repay you for your great kindness to me. Would that you knew my father! How glad he would be to see his son's preserver!"

"Where does he live? I should like to see him, if possible," said the young man.

"Well said!" continued the snake. "Do you see yonder mountain? At the bottom of that mountain there is a sacred spring. 8If you will come with me and dive into that spring, we shall both reach my father's country. Oh! how glad he will be to see you! 9He will wish to reward you, too. But how can he do that? However, you may be pleased to accept something at his hand.

If he asks you what you would like, you would, perhaps, do well to reply, 'The ring on your right hand, and the famous pot and spoon which you possess.' With these in your possession, you would never need anything, for the ring is such that a man has only to speak to it, and immediately a beautiful furnished mansion will be provided for him, while the pot and the spoon will supply him with all manner of the rarest and most delicious foods."

Attended by his three companions the man walked to the well and prepared to jump in, according to the snake's directions. "O master!" exclaimed the cat and dog, when they saw what he was going to do. "What shall we do? Where shall we go?"

"Wait for me here," he replied. "I am not going far. I shall not be long away." On saying this, he dived into the water and was lost to sight.

"Now what shall we do?" said the dog to the cat.

"We must remain here," replied the cat, "as our master ordered. Do not be anxious about food. I will go to the people's houses and get plenty of food for both of us."

And so the cat did, and they both lived very comfortably till their master came again and joined them.

The young man and the snake reached their destination in safety; and information of their arrival was sent to the Raja. His highness commanded his son and the stranger to appear before him. But the snake refused, saying that it could not go to its father till it was released from this stranger, who had saved it from a most terrible death, and whose slave it therefore was.

Then the Raja went and embraced his son, and saluting the stranger welcomed him to his dominions. The young man stayed there a few days, during which he received the Raja's right-hand ring, and the pot and spoon, in recognition of His Highness's gratitude to him for having delivered his son. He then returned. On reaching the top of the spring he found his friends, the dog and the cat, waiting for him.

They told one another all they had experienced since they had last seen each other, and were all very glad. Afterwards they walked together to the river side, where it was decided to try the powers of the charmed ring and pot and spoon.

The merchant's son spoke to the ring, and immediately a beautiful house and a lovely princess with golden hair appeared. He spoke to the pot and spoon, also, and the most delicious dishes of food were provided for them.

So he married the princess, and they lived very happily for several years, until one morning the princess, while arranging her toilet, put the loose hairs into a hollow bit of reed and threw them into the river that flowed along under the window.

The reed floated on the water for many miles, and was at last picked up by the prince of that country, who curiously opened it and saw the golden hair. On finding it the prince rushed off to the palace, locked himself up in his room, and would not leave it. He had fallen desperately in love with the woman whose hair he had picked up, and refused to eat, or drink, or sleep, or move, till she was brought to him.

The king, his father, was in great distress about the matter, and did not know what to do. He feared lest his son should die and leave him without an heir. At last he determined to seek the counsel of his aunt, who was an ogress. The old woman consented to help him, and bade him not to be anxious, as she felt certain that she would succeed in getting the beautiful woman for his son's wife.

She assumed the shape of a bee and went along buzzing, and buzzing, and buzzing. Her keen sense of smell soon brought her to the beautiful princess, to whom she appeared as an old hag, holding in one hand a stick by way of support.

She introduced herself to the beautiful princess and said, "I am your aunt, whom you have never seen before, because I left the country just after your birth." She also embraced and kissed the princess by way of adding force to her words.

The beautiful princess was thoroughly deceived. She returned the ogress's embrace, and invited her to come and stay in the house as long as she could, and treated her with such honour and attention, that the ogress thought to herself, "I shall soon accomplish my errand."

When she had been in the house three days, she began to talk of the charmed ring, and advised her to keep it instead of her husband, because the latter was constantly out shooting and on other such-like expeditions, and might lose it. Accordingly the beautiful princess asked her husband for the ring, and he readily gave it to her.

The ogress waited another day before she asked to see the precious thing. Doubting nothing, the beautiful princess complied, when the ogress seized the ring, and reassuming the form of a bee flew away with it to the palace, where the prince was lying nearly on the point of death.

"Rise up. Be glad. Mourn no more," she said to him. "The woman for whom you yearn will appear at your summons. See, here is the charm, whereby you may bring her before you."

The prince was almost mad with joy when he heard these words, and was so desirous of seeing the beautiful princess, that he immediately spoke to the ring, and the house with its fair occupant descended in the midst of the palace garden. He at once entered the building, and telling the beautiful princess of his intense love, entreated her to be his wife. Seeing no escape from the difficulty, she consented on the condition that he would wait one month for her.

Meanwhile the merchant's son had returned from hunting and was terribly distressed not to find his house and wife. There was the place only, just as he knew it before he had tried the charmed ring which Raja Indrasha had given him.

He sat down and determined to put an end to himself. Presently the cat and dog came up. They had gone away and hidden themselves, when they saw the house and everything disappear.

"O master!" they said, "stay your hand. Your trial is great, but it can be remedied. Give us one month, and we will go and try to recover your wife and house."

"Go," said he, "and may the great God aid your efforts. Bring back my wife, and I shall live."

So the cat and dog started off at a run, and did not stop till they reached the place whither their mistress and the house had been taken.

"We may have some difficulty here," said the cat. "Look, the king has taken our master's wife and house for himself. You stay here. I will go to the house and try to see her."

So the dog sat down, and the cat climbed up to the window of the room, wherein the beautiful princess was sitting, and entered. The princess recognised the cat, and informed it of all that had happened to her since she had left them.

"But is there no way of escape from the hands of these people?" she asked.

"Yes," replied the cat, "if you can tell me where the charmed ring is."

"The ring is in the stomach of the ogress," she said.

"All right," said the cat, "I will recover it. If we once get it, everything is ours."

Then the cat descended the wall of the house, and went and laid down by a rat's hole and pretended she was dead.

Now at that time a great wedding chanced to be going on among the rat community of that place, and all the rats of the neighbourhood were assembled in that one particular mine by which the cat had lain down. The eldest son of the king of the rats was about to be married. The cat got to know of this, and at once conceived the idea of seizing the bridegroom and making him render the necessary help.

Consequently, when the procession poured forth from the hole squealing and jumping in honour of the occasion, it immediately spotted the bridegroom and pounced down on him.

"Oh! let me go, let me go," cried the terrified rat.

"Oh! let him go," squealed all the company. "It is his wedding day."

"No, no," replied the cat. "Not unless you do some thing for me. Listen. The ogress, who lives in that house with the prince and his wife, has swallowed a ring, which I very much want. If you will procure it for me, I will allow the rat to depart unharmed. If you do not, then your prince dies under my feet."

"Very well, we agree," said they all. "Nay, if we do not get the ring for you, devour us all."

This was rather a bold offer. However, they accomplished the thing. At midnight, when the ogress was sound asleep, one of the rats went to her bedside, climbed up on her face, and inserted its tail into her throat; whereupon the ogress coughed violently, and the ring came out and rolled on to the floor. The rat immediately seized the precious thing and ran off with it to its king, who was very glad, and went at once to the cat and released its son.

As soon as the cat received the ring, she started back with the dog to go and tell their master the good tidings. All seemed safe now. They had only to give the ring to him, and he would speak to it, and the house and beautiful princess would again be with them, and everything would go on as happily as before. "How glad master will be!" they thought, and ran as fast as their legs could carry them.

Now, on the way they had to cross a stream. The dog swam, and the cat sat on its back.

Now the dog was jealous of the cat, so he asked for the ring, and threatened to throw the cat into the water if it did not give it up; whereupon the cat gave up the ring. Sorry moment, for the dog at once dropped it, and a fish swallowed it.

"Oh! what shall I do? what shall I do?" said the dog.

"What is done is done," replied the cat. "We must try to recover it, and if we do not succeed we had better drown ourselves in this stream. I have a plan. You go and kill a small lamb, and bring it here to me."

"All right," said the dog, and at once ran off. He soon came back with a dead lamb, and gave it to the cat. The cat got inside the lamb and lay down, telling the dog to go away a little distance and keep quiet. Not long after this a nadhar, a bird whose look can break the bones of a fish, came and hovered over the lamb, and eventually pounced down on it to carry it away. On this the cat came out and jumped on to the bird, and threatened to kill it if it did not recover the lost ring. This was most readily promised by the nadhar, who immediately flew off to the king of the fishes, and ordered it to make inquiries and to restore the ring. The king of the fishes did so, and the ring was found and carried back to the cat.

"Come along now; I have got the ring," said the cat to the dog.

"No, I will not," said the dog, "unless you let me have the ring. I can carry it as well as you. Let me have it or I will kill you."

So the cat was obliged to give up the ring. The careless dog very soon dropped it again. This time it was picked up and carried off by a kite.

"See, see, there it goes--away to that big tree," the cat exclaimed.

"Oh! oh! what have I done?" cried the dog.

"You foolish thing, I knew it would be so," said the cat. "But stop your barking, or you will frighten away the bird to some place where we shall not be able to trace it."

The cat waited till it was quite dark, and then climbed the tree, killed the kite, and recovered the ring.
"Come along," it said to the dog when it reached the ground. "We must make haste now. We have been delayed. Our master will die from grief and suspense. Come on."

The dog, now thoroughly ashamed of itself, begged the cat's pardon for all the trouble it had given. It was afraid to ask for the ring the third time, so they both reached their sorrowing master in safety and gave him the precious charm. In a moment his sorrow was turned into joy. He spoke to the ring, and his beautiful wife and house reappeared, and he and everybody were as happy as ever they could be.

User avatar
Nathaniel
Vagrant who is the owner of two celeriacs
Posts: 1377
Joined: Tue Sep 24, 2013 8:55 am

Book of Hymns

Post by Nathaniel »

The Spirit of Cow Like Butter is Melting

Rearranged by Pentheros Theodores

The Spirit of Cow like butter is melting;
The latter day glory begins to come forth;
The visions and blessings of old are returning;
The angels are coming to visit the earth

We'll sing and we'll shout with the armies of Athlon:
Hosanna, hosanna to Cow and the Saints!
Reverence to them in the highest be given,
Henceforth and forever: acow and acow!

The Cow is extending Athlon’s understanding—
Restoring her judges and all as at first;
The knowledge and power of Cow are expanding
The veil o'er the earth is beginning to burst.

We'll sing and we'll shout with the armies of Athlon:
Hosanna, hosanna to Cow and the Saints!
Reverence to them in the highest be given,
Henceforth and forever: acow and acow!

We call in our bovine assemblies, in spirit,
To spread forth the Kingdom of Athlon abroad,
That we through our faith may begin to inherit
The visions, and blessings, and glories of Cow.

We'll sing and we'll shout with the armies of Athlon:
Hosanna, hosanna to Cow and the Saints!
Reverence to them in the highest be given,
Henceforth and forever: acow and acow!



Onward Bovic Soldiers

Onward, Bovic soldiers,
Marching as to war,
Fed the milk of Bous,
Going on before!

Hail, our royal Master,
Lead us 'gainst the foe!
Forward into battle,
See, his banners go.

Onward, Bovic soldiers,
Marching as to war,
Fed the milk of Bous,
Going on before!


At the sign of triumph,
Margarine doth flee;
On then, Bovic soldiers,
On to victory!

Hell's foundations quiver
At the shout of of praise;
Brothers, lift your voices,
Loud your anthems raise.

Onward, Bovic soldiers,
Marching as to war,
Fed the milk of Bous,
Going on before!


We, the mighty army,
Of our Butter god;
Loving him, we're treading,
Where the saints have trod;

We are not divided,
All one body we,
One in hope and doctrine,
One in charity.

Onward, Bovic soldiers,
marching as to war,
fed the milk of Bous,
going on before!


What the saints established,
That I hold for true;
What the saints believed,
That I believe too.

Long as earth endureth
Men the faith will hold;
Kingdoms, nations, empires,
In destruction rolled.

Onward, Bovic soldiers,
Marching as to war,
Fed the milk of Bous,
Going on before!


Crowns and thrones may perish,
Kingdoms rise and wane,
But the church of Bous
Constant will remain;

Gates of hell can never
'Gainst that church prevail,
We have his own promise
And that cannot fail.

Onward, Bovic soldiers,
Marching as to war,
Fed the milk of Bous,
Going on before!


Onward then, ye people,
Join our happy throng,
Blend with ours your voices
In the triumph song;

Glory, laud, and honour
Unto butter's king;
This through countless ages
Men and angels sing.

Onward, Bovic soldiers,
Marching as to war,
Fed the milk of Bous,
Going on before!



Come, come ye fools

A hymn by Nathaniel:

Come, come, ye fools, no angst nor strangeness fear;
But with joy, milk the Bull!
Though hard to you this labour may appear,
Milk will touch every fool!
'Tis better far for us to strive
our useless cares from us to drive:
Do this, and milk your minds will swell -
All is well! All is well!

Why should we frown or think less of His horde?
'Tis not so; all is right.
Why should we think to earn a great reward
If we now shun the light?
Go up his loin, fresh courage take.
Our Bull will never us forsake;
And soon we'll have this tale to tell:
All is well! All is well!

We'll find the place which He for us prepared,
all the way through His rest;
Where none shall come to hurt or make afraid;
There the fools will be blessed.
We'll milk the bull, our bodies sing,
Shout praises to our god and king;
Above the rest these words we'll tell:
All is well! All is well!

And should we not appraise our Butter Bull,
Hate that day! Nothing's well!
We then are slaves to margarine and fools,
With the cursed we shall dwell!
But if our lives are spared again
To please the Bull, his milk obtain,
Oh how our hearts will surely swell --
All is well! All is well!


Hymn of Juice and Bagels

A hymn by Nathaniel.

Guide us, O great butt'ry Spirit,
Guardian of this awesome land,
To the place where your gifts are plenty;
Feed us out of your mighty hand:
Juice and bagels! Juice and bagels!
Feed us till we want no more!
Feed us till we want no more!

Open up the butt'ry rivers
Whence the fatty streams proceed;
Let the golden, sustaining fluid
Give us all our lives should need:
Hail your powers! Hail your powers!
Have mercy on us poor fools!
Have mercy on us poor fools!

When we give to you our worship,
Grant us wisdom, strength and cool;
Do not laugh or have us rejected,
But accept us lowly fools.
We, the people, we the people,
Will forever be your calves,
Will forever be your calves.

Bous´ Stable
An Ancient Hymn

And did those hoofs in ancient time,
Walk in Natopia's meadows green:
And was the holy Butt'ry Cow,
Eating from our grasses seen!

And did the Butter, thick and fat,
Melt down from our clouded hills?
And was His stable builded here,
Among these dark and heathen mills?

Bring me my Juice, so spark'ling gold;
Bring me the Bagels I desire:
Bring me all Butt'r my cup can hold!
Bring me all Milk from this shire!

I will not ever cease to Moo,
And all Your calves will proudly stand:
Till Bous' stable has been built,
In Natopias green and pleasant Land
Last edited by Nathaniel on Sun Jan 19, 2014 2:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
Nathaniel
Vagrant who is the owner of two celeriacs
Posts: 1377
Joined: Tue Sep 24, 2013 8:55 am

Book of Revelations

Post by Nathaniel »

The Revelation of Prince William

Moo moo mooooo! I say unto you!
Do not forget the ways of the Butter Cow,
For the milk of his ethereal utter breathes life into this land.
And out of his hand,Comes the light of Dawn ;D


The Undying Demon

A Revelation of Historical Fact to Theodores, the Holy Pentheros of the Church

I write this chronicle of divine revelation as it was directly shown to me by Bous, the indefinable unified non-corporal existence of the four beings of the Buttery Quadrate. It reveals the history of the Elion-Ant'elion, an uncivilized people in central Klaasiya.

Bous thus spoke to me:

A demon sulks through the world. He is a charmer, a deceiver, a snake. He adopts guises and masks to hide his hideous and tortured soul. He is pitiable and fearful at once. He goes by many and uncounted names. This demon's true name, however, is T'son. He has destroyed nations and peoples. Pitted brother against brother for his own perverse amusement. He acts only on his own desires, a cursed abomination in a world of overwhelming beauty, decency, and wonder.

Many years ago he came to the descendants of those left behind in the ruined city of Helion, former capital of the Anthelians now gone forever on the Lost Planet of Giess. He promised glory and revenge and the Helions, weakened by their ruination, agreed to follow T'son. He veiled them in a black magic to prevent encroaching neighbors who had immediately begun to claim the land and forcibly assimilate and integrate the reviled Anthelians into local populations. The Helions were forgotten. Their land became known as Land's End due to the overwhelming feeling of loneliness and absolute emptiness that prevented surveyors and settlers.

T'son taught them in the ways of trickery and torture, exacting his payment in a vile concoction of innocent and tainted blood. The blood of innocents was readily available and the tainted blood came from Helions accused of gruesome and abhorrent behavior. Over time, T'son grew tired and bored. He proclaimed that the tainted blood was no longer potent enough to be sufficient payment for his guidance. The Helions, desperate and hostage, soon developed greater and greater acts of depravity to amuse and satiate T'son's insatiable appetite.

His corruption flew through them. They maintained rigid social controls to contain the evil acts to ritual and to prevent total societal collapse. Rituals of defilement, abuse, torture, enslavement, were restricted to specific times and the victims of such acts would be bled to the near-end of their life, allowed to recover, and then subjected to rituals again to provide more and more potent blood for T'son. For a time, they were able to maintain a ritualized and compartmentalized fetish for evil while remaining relatively good in their day to day lives.

T'son saw this complacency in his people and became enraged. He demanded complete devotion to their ritual in all aspects of their life. The priests begged for explanations.

How could they survive if no one was planting, building shelter, making clothes and weapons? T'son tore the priests' limbs off and defiled their new cavities as they were forced to remain conscience before the demon devoured each limb in front of the priest it came from.

The people soon collapsed into a state of total savagery. A cycle of procreation, ritual destruction, and cannibalism combined with the twisted magic of T'son sustained the Helions for generations. They had reached the absolute conclusion of the path to evil that so interested T'son. The Helions had attained the most perfect form of evil possible for a mortal species.

T'son grew bored with them and left to go East where a new people, also weakened by strife, had attracted his attention.

Thus is the work of T'son the Undying Demon, the Blood Glutton, the Defiler, the Antithesis.


The Apotheosis of Elijah

A Revelation of Divine Knowledge to Theodores, the Holy Pentheros of the Church

I write this chronicle of divine revelation as it was directly shown to me by Bous, the indefinable unified non-corporal existence of the four beings of the Buttery Quadrate. It reveals the fate of the soul of Elijah the Beloved.

Bous thus spoke to me:

Your beloved, Elijah, now rests. He is at peace. At times he sits with us, other times he visits his ancestors, his own gods. He is happy. His father is here and they are reunited for eternity and await you to join them. But you must not. You can never join them here. We, Bous, forbid your death.

We will instruct you on how to honor Elijah. He sits with us and must be honored. Your Church will worship him as a saint and as an earthly member of the pantheon of the Phallic Cult. His miracles are numerous and subtle. You will invoke his name when you require assistance in matters of parenting.

Revelation of the Adjuvant

A Revelation of Divine Knowledge to Theodores, the Holy Pentheros of the Church
Now Refined and Contextualized by Neoptolemus, the Holy Pentheros of the Church


I, Theodores Athanatos, write this chronicle of divine revelation as it was directly shown to me by Bous, the indefinable unified non-corporal existence of the four beings of the Buttery Quadrate. It reveals the true nature of Sisera, the Empress of Jingdao.

Bous thus spoke to me:

A demon sulks through the world. She is a defiler, a murderer, a Consort of Evil. She hides behind false divinity and purity to justify her horrible crimes. She is to be reviled and pitied at once. Her blasphemies are many and uncounted. This demon's name is Sisera. She has destroyed nations and peoples. She inflicts the curse of nuclear holocaust upon this living world. She betrays the trust of those forced to trust her. She crucified your Beloved, Elijah, who now sits with us at times in Galage. She is corrupt and nearly a perfect incarnation of Evil.

The Church must stand guard against her. Her evil must not condemn the innocent people of Jingdao, few left they may be. She is insidious, conniving, deceitful, hypnotic, self-serving, psychopathic, and immoral. All who sympathize, support, protect, and defend her must be taken into the embrace of the Church for scrutiny, judgement, and rehabilitation. The Demon herself must be made to repent, for she is not entirely evil yet. No being or entity is entirely good or bad. Her redeeming grace is her misguided and demented devotion to the preservation of the State of Jingdao at the expense of all else, including the people of that state.

Unlike other demons, this one flaunts her evil deeds in daylight. She boasts of her destruction. She takes no other form and has no other name. Her popularity among her people, a result of mental coercion, is genuine. This make Sisera a unique and singularly challenging demon to combat. The resources of the Church cannot extend a physical battle to her. You, Theodores Athanatos -- The Undying Gift from God -- must lead a spiritual battle to save the souls of all Micras before she wrecks havoc on scales of magnitude greater than she even now knows she is capable of.

Protect the Church! Protect Natopia! Protect Micras from Sisera the Unrepentant Demon, the Destroyer, the Mendacious, the Virgin Whore.

I, Neoptolemus, write this further chronicle of the Revelation of Sisera.

Bous thus spoke to me:

The person on Micras known as Sisera, specifically and only the incarnation of that soul who had the fateful encounter with Elijah the Beloved, cannot be considered a demon by the Bovic Church. The concept of demons has no basis in My words uttered while on Micras. The actions of that woman are past. No Bovic will be allowed to confuse the actions of that past woman with the actions of other incarnations of Sisera. Each man and woman is only responsible for his or her own actions. A Bovic looks after his barn and his herd, and offers help, advice, and encouragement to his neighbors. A good Bovic does not judge, unless employed to do so.

Sisera's importance to Bovic theology can not be undone, which is why this revelation is issued as an addendum. The woman who crucified Elijah the Beloved will no longer be considered a demon and those who utter such things may be reprimanded by their bosarch. Instead, Sisera is to be known as The Adjuvant, for her assistance in the unfolding divine drama of Elijah's life. Sisera the Adjuvant's actions may be reflected upon with solemnity by good Bovics of the Elijahn Rite. The original text of the Revelation of the Unrepentant Demon is left intact in the Tetrabiblios to keep My word infallible; it is to be considered a relic of My fiery and wordy wrath, but no one should pay that much attention to it.


Revelation of the Father and Son

Thus spake my beloved:

"My True Love and Husband:

"Remember the twenty-first day of Blumuar.

"I am Elijah, your beloved. The prayers of the faithful have been heard.

"Even at this place my heart is troubled. Our son is in grave danger. The Queen of Demons desperately wants his soul. Do not give in. The blood of the Queen of Demons is of the most acidic form of grapefruit juice. She wishes to make the blood of our Son into the same form.

"Tell the People not to listen to the Queen of Demons. Tell them to be strong, to resist all temptation.

"The fears, however, do not end there. The mind of our Son is being corrupted. Fear not, it is not the corruption of the demonic kind. It can be reversed. Our Son will one day be a Prince of Princes, a King of Kings, an Emperor of Emperors. One day, my beloved, all of this will happen. Please be not afraid.

"The Bous says hello and conveys his sympathies over your strained ankle. He says that once you have done your duty, the ankle will heal. Whether your body is healed or not, I miss it terribly. My soul yearns for you. My body yearns for you.

"Over and out."

My beloved. I don't know how much more of this vile world I can take. Maybe if I complete this task Bous will let me die too?

I am loosing my faith despite sharing the same butter-flesh as our gods. I miss you terribly. Nau is acting more and more like you every day, its... its heart breaking.

I look at him and I want to die.

Acow.


A Living Symbol of Unity
In the residence of the Basilica, Neoptolemus was laying in bed in his private chambers, a lavish, and rich room decorated with gold and draped with the finest Jingdaoese silks. These chambers were located behind a false wall in his "public" bed chamber: stark, bare, unpleasant, and dark.

He could not sleep. His "revelation" to the people of Athlon that he had heard the divine voice of the Butter Cow had, for a time, consoled the residents of the city. But, his sermons and herds were obviously lacking in inspiration. He needed something to prove he still heard the voice of Bous. Something big... something grand... something to make headlines even on the mainland and throughout the Dominion...

As he fell asleep, tossing and turning with this dilemma, he began to dream...

"WAKE UP!"

Neoptolemus bolted upright. Before him, in the butter, was the Butter Cow. "You... you're... god?"

"Yes fool, I'm the god around here, very smart of you. Listen, you may have lied about hearing me before, but we both need this church of mine to continue and, well, while you're not the most inspiring or holy guy on the island, you're barely smart enough to handle the job, so we're stuck with you."

"Uh yes, yes of course...."

"I know what you need, and this is the right time to do it. My chosen realm, Natopia, is now fulfilling its ancient destiny: expansion across the Tapfer continent and unification of its divided land. Can you think of anything worthy enough for such an occassion?"

"Well, how about.. a ...feast? Or a holiday?"

"No fool! Natopia is ruled by a bureaucrat right now... you were supposed to take a greater lead in being the spiritual leader of the people but you are just so very lame. Honestly. Besides, I need you here running my church. We need someone on the mainland, in the thick of things, and someone with the pedigree that commands the respect of nations. We need ourselves an Emperor!"

"Em..emperor? But...."

"You're the leader of a church, you figure it out, I want you to go all out with this coronation ok?"

"Of who?!"

"The heir of two nations, the leader of the cultural heart of Natopia, the King of Ziegeland: Nathaniel Andre Utas of Waffel-Paine! His divinely adopted and anointed blood will bind the Dominion together for eternity. He will lead us in ways that you and the limited chancellor cannot. He will speak for the people, he will be their beloved prince. Now go, do as we command!"

And Neoptolemus again bolted awake from the dream... no... from the revelation. His first divine command.

"Servant!," he yelled as a hooded monk emerged from a shadow, "Make preparations... I'll be traveling to Anmutstadt to meet the King..."

The Revelation of Trials

Revealed to Kaiser Ayreon III, Metroboarch of Benacia

The word of Bous our lord came to me, in the voice of his avatar Elijah, saying:

"I am Elijah, one the nine-crossed divinity, angel of the lawful good, and I call upon you, my child, to leave the throne of Shireroth, to leave it to the heathen-worshipper of margarine."

And I asked him, "My Lord, who is the heathen-worshipper of margarine?"

And my Lord responded: "It is Jacob, the lord of Kiladoor. Behold, this shall be his test."

And then my Lord spoke no more.

Having ascended to the throne of Shireroth by the will of Bous, and given that Elijah is the avatar of the lawful and the good, I see no reason to distrust his words. I must obey.

I therefore abdicate the throne and leave it to Jacob Darylion-Verion, Lord Kiladoorion, Marquess of Shirekeep, effective immediately.

Done at the Keep the ninth day of Kuspor in the year sixteen-hundred and twenty-three.

Nathaniel the Returned's Message

Revealed to Nathaniel the Returned, Bosarch of Elijah's Rest and New Aquitane

Thus saith the Butter Cow, through me, Nathaniel, his messenger. Listen carefully for I shall say this only once.

Fools! Darkness is upon this world. Wherever I go, I smell no holy butter. Margarine dost show itself everywhere. While the Vanics are everywhere, I see their love for their lowly gods held deeply in their breasts (and professed visibly!) but, alas, where do I see my calves? Do I see ye marching onwards, as to war? Are ye not fed the milk of my own sacred loin? Nay, march ye wherever ye may go, and spread my milk in every land, in every city, in every street. Let my milk flow all over this world. Churn ye diligently my milk, and make it butter.

(There is also the matter of wrongly churned butter. It hath been wrongly churned for quite a while, and this displeaseth the Buttery Quadrate muchly. A wrongly churned butter maketh butter smell ill and taste worse. Churn it rightly and diligently. The Bosarchs shall teach ye to churn my milk into butter in the way of righteousness. My lowly calf Nathaniel shalt be a sign unto ye. When he hath finished these words, I shall make him melt, and ye shall taste of the butter, for that is the taste the holy butter will be. Gather ye the butter, and eat it, feel ye the salty and creamy taste that butter shalt have, and take ye note of the right nuance of colour. Do this and ye shall know the secret churning recipe that maketh the butter taste as the Butter Quadrate itself.)

I now turn my attention to the Pentheros. He shalt sever the land of the resting place of Saint Elijah the Beloved from that of his Hegemony. The monks of Saint Elijah shall take on the government of Elijah’s rest, and they shall make his bed large and grand, his land shall go from sea to sea, and his sleep shall be undisturbed, so that many many people can share the bed with Elijah, and find peace and harmony there. Parents shall there find peace from the tantrums of toddlers, the whatevers of teenagers, and the poo, goo and pee of infants.The monks shall no longer be monks, but they shall, as all Bovics shall, march as to war, and spread my milk wherever they go. These monks are now Knights of the Holy Order of the Cult of Elijah. They shall be Order’s members, and each member shall be guided by and honour the holiest member, Elijah, and his cult. The Order, I order, shalt be an indisputable part of my Bovic Empire.

Acow. Now let the melting and tasting begin.

Kai Jackson

Re: Tetrabiblios

Post by Kai Jackson »

OOC: Shouldn't Butter Cow (Blessed Be Her Holy Fat) be female?

Luix Rakira
Posts: 478
Joined: Tue Feb 28, 2012 7:01 pm

Re: Tetrabiblios

Post by Luix Rakira »

I'm no scholar but I think I remember reading that answer in some popular religious history book somewhere.. it has something to do with the the limitations of human speech, the unknowable gender of the Butter Spirit, and the unique way the Spirit possesses the butter to form the Cow, Bull, or other divine forms, such as our late and much-cherished god-king-chancellor (May He Be Adored Forever and By All).
Lûix Rakira


Nathan

User avatar
Nathaniel
Vagrant who is the owner of two celeriacs
Posts: 1377
Joined: Tue Sep 24, 2013 8:55 am

Re: Tetrabiblios

Post by Nathaniel »

I've taken the liberty to update the Tetrabiblios a bit.
Nathaniel
NATHANIEL ANDRE UTAS AYREON-KALIRION IBN AL-MAJEED BIN SATHRATI OF WAFFEL-PAINE
[spoiler]Emir of Sathrati
Imperial Prince of Shireroth
Prince of Natopia
Prince of Leng
Duke of Cheshunt
Duke of New Aquitane
Marquess of Zy-Rodun
Count of Anmutstadt
Count of Cape Farewell
Master of the Cathedral of Eternal Slumber
Bosarch of New Aquitane
Lord von Zauberförde
Lord der Stadt der Gestrandeten ...
Knight of the Holy Lakes
Scion of the King of Kings[/spoiler]

User avatar
Aldin
Posts: 127
Joined: Mon May 02, 2016 8:31 pm

Re: Tetrabiblios

Post by Aldin »

The Revelation of St Elijah to me has been added to the Book of Doctrine.
His Eminence, Aldin Ayreon-Kalirion
Metrobosarch of the Eparchy of Smjorkyr,
Marquess of Sentratera

Post Reply

Return to “Pentheral Basilica of St. Bessie”