Malarbor says: The so-called War of Nicki's Minaj has shuddered to a halt in the face of the Mingshi Emperor's "ingenious" defensive strategy of having his defenders commit suicide under the supervision of omnipresent meditative monks, before deleting the evidence in a fit of pique. The Emperor and the returning Diwang then mutually suicided each other bringing us up to the present stalemate. The Alexandrian's have liberated Penguin Island while the Realm of Passio-Corum has placed a sizeable slice of Jingdao's oversea's territory under its own "protection". To accommodate all of these occurrences within a single narrative, where Jingdao is somehow utterly triumphant, has resulted in a display of sophistry that is quite dazzling in its dissonant brilliance. We welcome the advent of the curiously familiar sounding Kuominliantang and the fantastical efforts of an empire to appropriate for itself the rhetorical mantle of anti-imperialism. The only people who are fooled are the ones who want to be fooled (hello, Jack).

Elsewhere the Kaiseress has departed for Athlon on "family business", leaving the somewhat disengaged Steward Dravot in charge once again. As for the nature of that family business, while it is not Malarbor's place to pass judgement (it ought to be though) it does appear that once again, a Kalirion has allowed sentiment to overcome judgement and that a massacre will inevitably ensue. Let's be honest, the only plot twist will be if the daft mare survives.

Meanwhile, there are strange burbling noises emanating from Amokolia. Malarbor assumes that the Nordic yokels are drunk again.
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 Post subject: Malabor Says
PostPosted: Mon Feb 06, 2017 7:22 pm 
Horseman of Cynicism
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Kaiseress Noor has taken control of Shirekeep after a short siege, enlivened by a daring assault on Cabbagefall and numerous unexplained animal attacks in the outer-suburbs and the Elwynnese siege lines. Both usurpers, including the one who presumptuously dared to contemplate watching Malarbor burn, have fled via portals to parts unknown - although it has to be said one experienced better luck in doing so than the other.

The only high profile conspirator to fail to make good his escape from the city in time was everybody's favourite pint-sized kinslayer, the Lord Adam, who was found skulking in the catacombs of Cabbagefall (who knew we even had those?) where he had whiled away his days in a fog of sadomasochistic depravity so extreme that Malarbor could not help but spill his sap at the thought of it. Sentenced to death by his mother, he has instead now been released into the custody of his god-bothering brother for some extreme monastic penance in a god forsaken Natopian shite-hole. His wife, meanwhile, somehow survived both being in his company and meeting the Mother-in-Law long enough to give birth to a son, who now inherits what remains of Adam's once excessive litany of lands and titles. Malarbor looks forward to seeing Adam and his family on the Jeremy Kyle show in a few years time.

The city is a mess, those portions of it that have not been cratered by the Natopians, burnt by rioting Babkhans, or flooded when the sewers backed up, have now seemingly been infested with some new invasive predator. Officials are strenuously denying rumours that a demon from Balgurd has escaped into this dimension has begun its spawning cycle. Malarbor knows better. Enjoy the dwindling time that remains to you, puny mortals.

In other news Voltrue has declared itself to be in rebellion. Members of the IAC are divided between those who want to embark upon saturation bombing and those who wish to negotiate a settlement. All members of the council are however presently united in trying to find it on the map. Somewhere out west, Malarbor thinks.

_________________
  1. Daniyal Sikander Dravot: Steward of Shireroth. Arandur of Alalehzamin & Utasia. Administrator of the estate of the lateThorgils Tarjeisson. Generalmajor in the Union Defence Force
  2. Liv Dravot (née Djupvik): Khanum of the Kalirion Khanate


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