Malarbor Says
Malarbor says: So it appears that things are heating up in Elwynn. Who knew that overrunning vast new territories would leave you suddenly confronted by grumpy natives?

Seems tranquillity is also a stranger to Goldshire. Daft bint Noor's regrettable track record in getting those nearest and dearest to her killed under slightly iffy circumstances has led to a rather unfortunate spot of bother for her guards; still, it's hard to be too sympathetic towards a bunch of tools who lounged around all day in fezzes and ridiculous pantaloons. More serious is the rift that has opened between the Royal Government and the Assayers which has seen martial law declared, Imperial Forces 'invited' into the Kingdom, and an unfortunate spike in bombings, poisonings, crucifixions and a few instances of indigestion occasioned by consuming molten lead. Who knew that falling out with a sinister secret society could be so injurious to the health of so many puny mortals? To cap it all off - the gardener was late because the Mango Rangers were strutting their stuff around the ferry terminals as though they actually do something worthwhile for a living. MALARBOR DEMANDS A NEW BRIDGE! 600 YEARS IS SUFFICIENT TIME IN WHICH TO DEVELOP AN INTEGRATED TRANSPORT PLAN!

Still, at least it's quiet in Lichbrook. I like Lichbrook. You always know where you stand with corpses... makes conversation a little awkward though.

Also, it is Natopia Day and the Butter Bull has kindly posted a status update. These always bode well... Ugh! Get that bloody cow out of my sight. (Happy Birthday Natopia)

Normally Malarbor celebrates Natopia Day with a tray of veal cutlets fried in butter, accompanied by a few glasses of the red stuff - freshly squeezed from my terrified attendants. On this occasion however they appear to be curiously absent. Puny Mortals. Well no matter. Subjects of the Kaiser, fetch me fresh meat*. MALARBOR DEMANDS IT!

*Preferably something sentient, I do so enjoy having a conversation with dinner.

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